I would have to say the last few days have been quite a whirlwind of emotions. Lately I have felt anxious and doubtful. I am constantly going back and forth on things in my mind, questioning everything around. Sometimes I just let it go and be a goofball to cover it up and sometimes I just clutter my brain with thoughts that have no where to go.
I have been feeling like I have done some backtracking in the last few days, back to the days where my trust in God was very little and where things just spun out of control because I felt like I couldn't control them and if I couldn't control them, then they just couldn't be controlled. I have been taking the drivers seat instead of God.
When I hear people say, well this is Gods plan, it has just become a statement that literally gets on my nerves because half the time it never seems definite. One minute it seems clear as day that God has plans in this direction and then the next minute we are on a whole new journey. What is that? Why cant he make up his mind is what I question. A lot of times I guess it gets to me because I feel like I have my mind made up so why isn't he just by my side on this one. Huh, now theres a thought.
I know that all sounds ridiculous but lets be honest, we all think this at some point when things seem to hit the fan or hit a low.
Tonight I was driving back to school and let me just tell you that sunset was phenomenal, the colors just seemed to explode out of the clouds. It was crazy cool. Then as I was in awe of what was in front of me, Caroline stated the fact that it was crazy that our world was capable of such a thing, that when the sun is going down it is almost like it isn't go down without a battle (get it, colors exploding from the sky :P). But anyways, it was an out there statement but it just kind of resonated with me a bit because it was an interesting way to think about it. To be honest lately I have just had the same feeling in me, not going to go down without a battle.
I guess I am just trying to figure out what Gods plan is again in different areas of my life, it leaves me frustrated at times but I'm controlling and I just have to know things for sure. I had another friend of mine tell me that sometimes Gods plan means action, that we have to do our part as well and work for it. Like the sunset, sometimes we just have to go down with a fight and the beautiful thing as my friend Chelsea would always say is the sun will rise again tomorrow and everything will be ok.
Much love.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Real Life- Passion
Lately I have had this feeling of a fire being lit under me... a lot of times I get it at night where I am stuck to just lay in the bed and think about it. My wheels turn, and there I lay. Sometimes I'll turn the tv on to make it stop, sometimes I get up and write about it, or sometimes I just lay and think until I am too tired to think anymore.
In the past year I have experienced so many things, seeing God work in different parts of my life, and creating many more memories which I cant wait to reminisce about years from now. There have been so many good things, and there have been bumps and lessons learned to say the least. My eyes have been opened to things I have been blinded to for so long whether it pertains to the world, my family, myself, school, literally everything.
Since the summer I feel as if I have been on a journey to find another piece of me, cheesy right? I think just approaching senior year and being forced to think about life after that will do it to you. I finally have to decide what I want my adult world to look like. Some conclusions I have come to: I don't want to be boring, I don't want to get stuck, I don't want to lose my faith, I want to be happy, I want my work and ministry to unite, I want to be in a position to impact people, I want to turn around and help my family, and I don't want to ever lose anyone I love dearly. How does that sound for conclusions? I know it may sound like a pretty general list, but trust me I have narrowed it down!
But when I say I have had a fire lit under me, I am talking more about the whole position to impact people. I have discovered that this is my passion, helping people. I have always said that I like things, and I do love don't get me wrong, but I see other people who are just full on passionate about ministry, or full on passionate about the sport they play, and I have never been that way until recently. One situation that has been most recent has been my fight to help my friend stay at school despite money. I have talked about it in previous blogs but last week it came to a point where it is looking like we are about out of options. Boy, did that fire me up. At first I was sad, and lost hope myself but now I cant stop thinking about how to get more options. I don't want to stop fighting for this until everything is fully worked out -- sometimes I feel like maybe I am not focusing on being thankful for what I or we have been given but then other times I just know deep down there is more that can be done, is that bad?
Thoughts that have come out of this have been that I wont stop fighting for my friend but also how can I fight for others as well. I understand that if we are passionate about something or really want something we should do everything we can to get that right? And I have thought about how crazy I may seem fighting more for something that maybe someone else would but why not? Even if someone else doesnt stand up and say it for themselves, why cant someone stand up for them? I see it just like someone else would see standing up for children in Africa, giving them a voice and a way to see hope, as far fetched as that may seem. And if I have this passion then I should do something with it. Haha do you like my silly and simple revelations?
Anyways just in a crazy thinking mood and just been fired up lately. I know it'll be an interesting journey to figure out how I specifically wish to carry on with this passion of mine, right now it has been through helping my friend but I just dont want to stop there.
Love you all.
In the past year I have experienced so many things, seeing God work in different parts of my life, and creating many more memories which I cant wait to reminisce about years from now. There have been so many good things, and there have been bumps and lessons learned to say the least. My eyes have been opened to things I have been blinded to for so long whether it pertains to the world, my family, myself, school, literally everything.
Since the summer I feel as if I have been on a journey to find another piece of me, cheesy right? I think just approaching senior year and being forced to think about life after that will do it to you. I finally have to decide what I want my adult world to look like. Some conclusions I have come to: I don't want to be boring, I don't want to get stuck, I don't want to lose my faith, I want to be happy, I want my work and ministry to unite, I want to be in a position to impact people, I want to turn around and help my family, and I don't want to ever lose anyone I love dearly. How does that sound for conclusions? I know it may sound like a pretty general list, but trust me I have narrowed it down!
But when I say I have had a fire lit under me, I am talking more about the whole position to impact people. I have discovered that this is my passion, helping people. I have always said that I like things, and I do love don't get me wrong, but I see other people who are just full on passionate about ministry, or full on passionate about the sport they play, and I have never been that way until recently. One situation that has been most recent has been my fight to help my friend stay at school despite money. I have talked about it in previous blogs but last week it came to a point where it is looking like we are about out of options. Boy, did that fire me up. At first I was sad, and lost hope myself but now I cant stop thinking about how to get more options. I don't want to stop fighting for this until everything is fully worked out -- sometimes I feel like maybe I am not focusing on being thankful for what I or we have been given but then other times I just know deep down there is more that can be done, is that bad?
Thoughts that have come out of this have been that I wont stop fighting for my friend but also how can I fight for others as well. I understand that if we are passionate about something or really want something we should do everything we can to get that right? And I have thought about how crazy I may seem fighting more for something that maybe someone else would but why not? Even if someone else doesnt stand up and say it for themselves, why cant someone stand up for them? I see it just like someone else would see standing up for children in Africa, giving them a voice and a way to see hope, as far fetched as that may seem. And if I have this passion then I should do something with it. Haha do you like my silly and simple revelations?
Anyways just in a crazy thinking mood and just been fired up lately. I know it'll be an interesting journey to figure out how I specifically wish to carry on with this passion of mine, right now it has been through helping my friend but I just dont want to stop there.
Love you all.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Real Life- I'm just a kid
Well it is a very cold day and all I want to do is snuggle up in my warm bed. I had a rough start this morning as I slept through my alarm and completely missed my first class which had a paper due. Cool Julia. But as I scurried around trying to get my paper printed and get to class, I found a little note outside my door from my best friend Helen. Talk about a nice knock in the right direction, I am sitting there super frustrated and ready to just give up and I get this sweet note to brighten my day. Have I mentioned lately of how blessed I am? Cause I am! I have the best friend in the whole world!
Then later in the day she surprised me again by getting me a goodie bag, its contents: Apple Juice, Reeses, Hershey bar, Skittles, and a banana. I dont know about you but I dont know many 21 year olds who get overly excited about something like that but I did cause I loved it. I love surprises (well, for the most part--it kind of interferes with me wanting to know everything but thats ok). Oh oh, and I got another sweet note! two in one day people! I feel like a kid on christmas morning, no lie. So to tie in my blog title, basically I'm just a kid.
For those of you who think growing up and getting old means being boring and having no fun, I plan to prove that theory wrong. I think we should all embrace our inner child all the time because its fun and its real. It is crazy to see people actually fight to not let a child like feature shine through them. How I look at it is at least being older you are a lot smarter than you were when you were three so you dont just jump off of tall things and get hurt, you know boundaries.(well, for the most part) :) Acting like a kid is much better than actually being one ya know?
Today was good for those reasons and because I finally took my free opportunities to invest in everyone around me. I had a conversation with my friend Caroline the other day about how different this year has been, not just for ourselves but it has just been different for everyone. Not in a bad way either, just different. Everyone has different schedules, everyone has just come such a long way from the beginning of this journey here at Gardner Webb, it has been an interesting adjustment but a beautiful one as well.
Difference is...
I am watching that shy kid branch out and be a leader thriving in a group of people, holding their own ground. I am seeing people break out of their awkward shell just to seek new and exciting friendships. I see friends growing closer day by day. I am seeing us all begin to embrace the idea of being adults one day. I am seeing a friend get excited about being married one day and knowing that we will all be there to celebrate with her. I see someone be healthy for once, being active amongst her peers. And all together I see this beautiful picture of community, one big group of kids, laughing, sharing their lives with one another, and filling a room with more love than most could probably handle. Exciting, huh? I told you it wasnt bad!
I woke up grumpy and am going to end this day feeling like the most blessed person ever...as I usually do. I am witnessing these crazy cool things, I am seeing Gods work EVERY SINGLE DAY! Sometimes it doesnt always hit me in the face but when it does it is crazy cool. I love it. I love my life. And I absolutely love my friends, and everything they bring to my life.
Then later in the day she surprised me again by getting me a goodie bag, its contents: Apple Juice, Reeses, Hershey bar, Skittles, and a banana. I dont know about you but I dont know many 21 year olds who get overly excited about something like that but I did cause I loved it. I love surprises (well, for the most part--it kind of interferes with me wanting to know everything but thats ok). Oh oh, and I got another sweet note! two in one day people! I feel like a kid on christmas morning, no lie. So to tie in my blog title, basically I'm just a kid.
For those of you who think growing up and getting old means being boring and having no fun, I plan to prove that theory wrong. I think we should all embrace our inner child all the time because its fun and its real. It is crazy to see people actually fight to not let a child like feature shine through them. How I look at it is at least being older you are a lot smarter than you were when you were three so you dont just jump off of tall things and get hurt, you know boundaries.(well, for the most part) :) Acting like a kid is much better than actually being one ya know?
Today was good for those reasons and because I finally took my free opportunities to invest in everyone around me. I had a conversation with my friend Caroline the other day about how different this year has been, not just for ourselves but it has just been different for everyone. Not in a bad way either, just different. Everyone has different schedules, everyone has just come such a long way from the beginning of this journey here at Gardner Webb, it has been an interesting adjustment but a beautiful one as well.
Difference is...
I am watching that shy kid branch out and be a leader thriving in a group of people, holding their own ground. I am seeing people break out of their awkward shell just to seek new and exciting friendships. I see friends growing closer day by day. I am seeing us all begin to embrace the idea of being adults one day. I am seeing a friend get excited about being married one day and knowing that we will all be there to celebrate with her. I see someone be healthy for once, being active amongst her peers. And all together I see this beautiful picture of community, one big group of kids, laughing, sharing their lives with one another, and filling a room with more love than most could probably handle. Exciting, huh? I told you it wasnt bad!
I woke up grumpy and am going to end this day feeling like the most blessed person ever...as I usually do. I am witnessing these crazy cool things, I am seeing Gods work EVERY SINGLE DAY! Sometimes it doesnt always hit me in the face but when it does it is crazy cool. I love it. I love my life. And I absolutely love my friends, and everything they bring to my life.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Real Life-Slow it down
Finally, a chance to blog...
Recap of the last 24 or so hours...spent all weekend having tons of fun but procrastinating in everything I should have been doing, was up until 3/330 studying for a test that I am pretty sure I failed. Even got had an alarm go off at 730 this morning, which I did fall in and out of sleep for another hour or so, but needless to say it was a long, long day.
Tonight I journeyed with my best friend to cookout and I jammed the whole way and didnt think twice about the things around me. It has been raining ALL day long, and I found myself hating it at several points because as if my day wasnt long enough then rain just made me want to crawl in bed even more. Have I mentioned before that I love rain though? So that was weird.
Anyways, on the way home from cookout, Helen was so out of it and I didnt feel like screaming anymore ridiculous songs in her ear so I turned on some good ole lumineers. They just make me melt sometimes. I turned on their song, 'Slow it down,' granted I am not a hundred percent sure exactly what the song is about but those three words just repeat over and over, or they did for me.
I feel like the world has been spinning so much lately, not just for me but for everyone around here. Everyone is running on empty and you can see everyone just reach their breaking points from time to time. Now I have had my good share of emotional moments, but lately I feel like I have just been a spectator to it all. Sometimes I just find myself wondering what it is I can do to make it all go away. I feel like that is my life, I just go go go, cram in the things that I want, and am quick to find ways to escape or get rid of the things that I dont want. I dont want people to be sad or to hurt or to be overwhelmed, I just want sunshine, no rain.
Saying that just makes me think of Job, reason why I think of Job is because it has been what I am translating in Hebrew for my final project at the end of the year. I never have read the story of Job until now and it kind of blew my mind. Now, failing a test, or missing home, or just having a day of little rest is not quite the extent of what Job went through. He LITERALLY lost everything he ever owned or loved, but yet he still chose to praise God in these circumstances, and that is what is powerful to me. I know that I personally wish to shy away from praising the Lord when nothing but a downpour is in my life, or in the lives of the people I love but that is not what we are supposed to do.
I have just found myself lately wishing things werent how they were instead of finding a way to glorify God through it all. I have been so rushed and "busy" that I havent had time to just 'Slow it down.' I'm telling you, its a beautiful song whether I am referencing it the right way or not haha.
Anyways so now I will maybe write some more and listen to the rain outside because God is good my people!! :)
Recap of the last 24 or so hours...spent all weekend having tons of fun but procrastinating in everything I should have been doing, was up until 3/330 studying for a test that I am pretty sure I failed. Even got had an alarm go off at 730 this morning, which I did fall in and out of sleep for another hour or so, but needless to say it was a long, long day.
Tonight I journeyed with my best friend to cookout and I jammed the whole way and didnt think twice about the things around me. It has been raining ALL day long, and I found myself hating it at several points because as if my day wasnt long enough then rain just made me want to crawl in bed even more. Have I mentioned before that I love rain though? So that was weird.
Anyways, on the way home from cookout, Helen was so out of it and I didnt feel like screaming anymore ridiculous songs in her ear so I turned on some good ole lumineers. They just make me melt sometimes. I turned on their song, 'Slow it down,' granted I am not a hundred percent sure exactly what the song is about but those three words just repeat over and over, or they did for me.
I feel like the world has been spinning so much lately, not just for me but for everyone around here. Everyone is running on empty and you can see everyone just reach their breaking points from time to time. Now I have had my good share of emotional moments, but lately I feel like I have just been a spectator to it all. Sometimes I just find myself wondering what it is I can do to make it all go away. I feel like that is my life, I just go go go, cram in the things that I want, and am quick to find ways to escape or get rid of the things that I dont want. I dont want people to be sad or to hurt or to be overwhelmed, I just want sunshine, no rain.
Saying that just makes me think of Job, reason why I think of Job is because it has been what I am translating in Hebrew for my final project at the end of the year. I never have read the story of Job until now and it kind of blew my mind. Now, failing a test, or missing home, or just having a day of little rest is not quite the extent of what Job went through. He LITERALLY lost everything he ever owned or loved, but yet he still chose to praise God in these circumstances, and that is what is powerful to me. I know that I personally wish to shy away from praising the Lord when nothing but a downpour is in my life, or in the lives of the people I love but that is not what we are supposed to do.
I have just found myself lately wishing things werent how they were instead of finding a way to glorify God through it all. I have been so rushed and "busy" that I havent had time to just 'Slow it down.' I'm telling you, its a beautiful song whether I am referencing it the right way or not haha.
Anyways so now I will maybe write some more and listen to the rain outside because God is good my people!! :)
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Real Life-Back to Reality
Well it has been so long since the last time I have blogged and have been trying to think about all the things I want to talk about. The pace of my life has increased so much since I moved back to school in the middle of August. I would be lying if I didnt say I love every bit of it. It has been so nice to be back in the swing of things. I recognize that summer is a great time to slow down and take a deep breath but I love applying things I learn, starting new years, and being with really great people and do really awesome things all the time.
Senior year started off with a bang, I am a Residential Advisor (RA) so I moved back in early to do training. Training was long and ridiculous but it was cool to meet people all over campus with different backgrounds and just spend time getting to know them. I have come to love people from Canada, the ones I have met are hilarious, just saying!
Anyways my best friend moved in when it came towards the end of my training so we got to spend a few days before everyone else moved in and it was soo good. I missed her so much this summer and always said how much I wanted that relationship to feel normal again. I get my hugs, good laughs, and great conversations. Plus I made her summer an extremely long one because I am sensitive, and hard to deal with when it comes to distance. What can I say, sometimes I hate it but I'm glad I love people too much instead of the complete opposite.
Everyone else moved in around August 22nd I think. It was so fun because many of them I remember their freshman year went home often, were so excited when it came to breaks, and this time around they were just as excited as I was to move back. We all joked about how great this year was probably going to be the best year to date and so far I cant complain about that.
Since being back at school Helen and I have been able to go to church in Spartanburg called Newspring. She got to go to it this summer because she lived in Columbia, SC and they have one their. When I visited her this summer I got to go too and I fell in love. It was another thing I was looking forward to about being back, we had decided that that is where we would go and would just alternate driving. It also has been great because we are able to invite friends to go and hang out with us and it has just been a cool outlet to do ministry whether it come from the service or the car ride their or just inviting them. I LOVE NEWSPRING! look it up newspring.cc
Hmm... I think that is about it. I am enjoying this year so far. I love my best friend. I love my friends. I love my church. I am learning to enjoy my classes :p I love being an RA (because I have my own room) I am currently looking to apply to grad school so this year doesnt really feel like my senior year which is ok with me. I love gwu!
Peace!
Senior year started off with a bang, I am a Residential Advisor (RA) so I moved back in early to do training. Training was long and ridiculous but it was cool to meet people all over campus with different backgrounds and just spend time getting to know them. I have come to love people from Canada, the ones I have met are hilarious, just saying!
Anyways my best friend moved in when it came towards the end of my training so we got to spend a few days before everyone else moved in and it was soo good. I missed her so much this summer and always said how much I wanted that relationship to feel normal again. I get my hugs, good laughs, and great conversations. Plus I made her summer an extremely long one because I am sensitive, and hard to deal with when it comes to distance. What can I say, sometimes I hate it but I'm glad I love people too much instead of the complete opposite.
Everyone else moved in around August 22nd I think. It was so fun because many of them I remember their freshman year went home often, were so excited when it came to breaks, and this time around they were just as excited as I was to move back. We all joked about how great this year was probably going to be the best year to date and so far I cant complain about that.
Since being back at school Helen and I have been able to go to church in Spartanburg called Newspring. She got to go to it this summer because she lived in Columbia, SC and they have one their. When I visited her this summer I got to go too and I fell in love. It was another thing I was looking forward to about being back, we had decided that that is where we would go and would just alternate driving. It also has been great because we are able to invite friends to go and hang out with us and it has just been a cool outlet to do ministry whether it come from the service or the car ride their or just inviting them. I LOVE NEWSPRING! look it up newspring.cc
Hmm... I think that is about it. I am enjoying this year so far. I love my best friend. I love my friends. I love my church. I am learning to enjoy my classes :p I love being an RA (because I have my own room) I am currently looking to apply to grad school so this year doesnt really feel like my senior year which is ok with me. I love gwu!
Peace!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Real Life-Senior Year?
Well it is extremely late and I couldnt sleep if you paid me to fall asleep. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. Tomorrow I move in to start of my senior year...too bad I am not sure if I am ready to celebrate senior year like most people tend to be. I got a late start on this whole 'real' college experience thing and boy would I give to get that one year I missed because the past two years have been the best years of my life, hands down and I know that this year will only surpass those.
I laugh because at the beginning of last year I already dreaded the thought of this one because I had many friends who were going to graduate and go into the real world without me. Now I am at the point where I go into the real world by myself, seeing that I dont know anyone graduating with me on time, and leave all my younger friends behind. I say that not in that I am at all worried about them continuing their adventures at the Webb but I worry about life without them all. Currently, can not even imagine it and really just dont want it to happen. In my mind I see us all doing really awesome things in our lives but at least within an hour distance of each other...crazy right?? haha Yea...I know. Working on being ok with the thought that, that will probably never happen...at least not in recreating a whole hall of girls totaling about 18 or something, but I can dream big right?
It is also official, I am becoming that senior that worries about life ahead of them. What do I do next becomes the big question for us all? I think I have too many questions such as, what am I do doing? Where am I doing it? When do I do it? How the heck am I going to do it? You know...basic things :) Amy Brown and I recently were trying to find a place out in the real world for me and her conclusion was, I wasnt a real person and was a college kid forever, she's funny right? Although in the back of my mind I couldnt disagree much. I have always been a super random person, I love a lot of things, different things and I dont really have a specific passion for anything. I see people who are super passionate about sports and go that way, or super passionate about a subject in school and master it, but lucky me likes a lot of things but never could really zone in on one or two things...I would be lucky to make a list of 6 different things I really liked.
Take a step out of real life finding a career scenario and you will find me on the next flight to Ireland finding my husband, making him speak and hopefully sing and play the guitar to me all the time, and then have lots of kids. Yea... again I can dream big right. I can say that I am fully passionate about becoming a mom...good thing the Lord has yet to bless me with a husband to get that rolling.
Anyways I will stop there with all the baby stuff, every one laughs at me about it but I couldnt be more serious and they know it. Glad I started this blog in a complete panic about my life and now will go to bed laughing at myself for wanting little Irish babies. Maybe it will happen in the next 8 or so months and my life will become real easy haha...total understatement, I know. Ahhh...just want to figure out my life so I can enjoy one phase and nicely transition to the next.
Who am I kidding? Not a real person, college kid forever.
GOODNIGHT!
I laugh because at the beginning of last year I already dreaded the thought of this one because I had many friends who were going to graduate and go into the real world without me. Now I am at the point where I go into the real world by myself, seeing that I dont know anyone graduating with me on time, and leave all my younger friends behind. I say that not in that I am at all worried about them continuing their adventures at the Webb but I worry about life without them all. Currently, can not even imagine it and really just dont want it to happen. In my mind I see us all doing really awesome things in our lives but at least within an hour distance of each other...crazy right?? haha Yea...I know. Working on being ok with the thought that, that will probably never happen...at least not in recreating a whole hall of girls totaling about 18 or something, but I can dream big right?
It is also official, I am becoming that senior that worries about life ahead of them. What do I do next becomes the big question for us all? I think I have too many questions such as, what am I do doing? Where am I doing it? When do I do it? How the heck am I going to do it? You know...basic things :) Amy Brown and I recently were trying to find a place out in the real world for me and her conclusion was, I wasnt a real person and was a college kid forever, she's funny right? Although in the back of my mind I couldnt disagree much. I have always been a super random person, I love a lot of things, different things and I dont really have a specific passion for anything. I see people who are super passionate about sports and go that way, or super passionate about a subject in school and master it, but lucky me likes a lot of things but never could really zone in on one or two things...I would be lucky to make a list of 6 different things I really liked.
Take a step out of real life finding a career scenario and you will find me on the next flight to Ireland finding my husband, making him speak and hopefully sing and play the guitar to me all the time, and then have lots of kids. Yea... again I can dream big right. I can say that I am fully passionate about becoming a mom...good thing the Lord has yet to bless me with a husband to get that rolling.
Anyways I will stop there with all the baby stuff, every one laughs at me about it but I couldnt be more serious and they know it. Glad I started this blog in a complete panic about my life and now will go to bed laughing at myself for wanting little Irish babies. Maybe it will happen in the next 8 or so months and my life will become real easy haha...total understatement, I know. Ahhh...just want to figure out my life so I can enjoy one phase and nicely transition to the next.
Who am I kidding? Not a real person, college kid forever.
GOODNIGHT!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Real Life-Thoughts
Well...I am sitting here in the coffee shop listening to some peaceful jams with the roll of thunder in the background. I have quite a bit of homework to do, clearly taking a break from that right now, I feel like I spend most of my time in silence wrapping my brain around so many other things, the last thing I want to do is wrap my brain around some business statistics. Currently regretting waiting to get caught up on this homework so what's another hour at this point. I'll do it for those of you who question my academic ability! Dont worry!
I havent blogged since I have been in Columbia, first because I am now back in Shelby for the summer, long story and second because I havent been able to put complete thoughts on paper in a while. This past week was good, it was easy and normal, lots of laughter which I cant complain about. I got to hang out with my friend Sara Plummer and Helen, have I mentioned that I miss being at Gardner Webb this summer, I do? Sometimes I feel like I overdo my excitement for being back at school because most wouldnt see it as real life because its school and it only lasts so long but its real to me...It creates real moments, real friendships, and displays the real me you know? I have missed late night conversations, I have missed eating meals with people I love, I have missed adventures, I have missed my twin size bunk bed with a roommate who sometimes gets frustrated with my absurd life...ahh I miss it. I'll be done now but had to get that out of my system. I just got a nice piece of that this past week that it filled my little heart up with joy.
Been laughing a lot at myself lately because it doesnt matter how good you feel in certain times there is always going to be something to learn, you know? Like, sometimes I think we get to a point where we just feel so good that we feel like we dont need anything else at that moment, that we only learn in the hard times because that is when it hits us the hardest. But life really is one big learning experience...haha dont get me wrong, this is an obvious statement and I have realized it plenty of times, just been pondering it for a while lately because I am constantly learning.
Along with the laughter I would be lying if I didn't say there has been a great deal of sadness as well...cried a lot in the last week and a half because I am sensitive anyways and when I am lost and not sure of what's next I completely break down. When it comes to summer time I feel like I just do a great deal of waiting and boy am I an impatient person, it is SO HARD! This is the season where I have to slow down, listen, learn, grow and then I am allowed to move on, ughhhhh. Can this be where I pout and go but whyyy God? Not cool. Haha heres the thing, I can be completely sensitive and irrational because I dont feel like its fair if I dont get this opportunity like the rest of the world, but I am completely self-aware and then cant pout for long because I know in the back of my mind I am wrong and God is right...maybe its a little competitive spirit with the Man...maybe I should pick a different opponent haha. Kidding! Today I am feeling at peace with it all so I wouldnt change anything about my life. We all would like to speed up our processes but everything happens for a reason, right? ;)
I am also just feeling extra happy right now and excited deep down because I have been thinking about what its going to look like going back to Gardner Webb. I spent the last two years being anxious and overly excited to see my older friends, who were seniors last year and now that they have all graduated, its weird. I used to think what would I have to be excited about after they were all gone, seriously I used to be miserable just thinking about it. But God brought those people into my life during that time for a reason and they taught me so many things and now I am going into my senior year without them physically next to me but so close to my heart and my excitement is for all the underclassmen, people I love so dearly and at one point in my life didnt think the friendships I have with some of them would ever exist. So thankful. God is good. And I cant wait!
Alright...I could keep going but looks like I need to do work now... maybe :)
Love you all!
I havent blogged since I have been in Columbia, first because I am now back in Shelby for the summer, long story and second because I havent been able to put complete thoughts on paper in a while. This past week was good, it was easy and normal, lots of laughter which I cant complain about. I got to hang out with my friend Sara Plummer and Helen, have I mentioned that I miss being at Gardner Webb this summer, I do? Sometimes I feel like I overdo my excitement for being back at school because most wouldnt see it as real life because its school and it only lasts so long but its real to me...It creates real moments, real friendships, and displays the real me you know? I have missed late night conversations, I have missed eating meals with people I love, I have missed adventures, I have missed my twin size bunk bed with a roommate who sometimes gets frustrated with my absurd life...ahh I miss it. I'll be done now but had to get that out of my system. I just got a nice piece of that this past week that it filled my little heart up with joy.
Been laughing a lot at myself lately because it doesnt matter how good you feel in certain times there is always going to be something to learn, you know? Like, sometimes I think we get to a point where we just feel so good that we feel like we dont need anything else at that moment, that we only learn in the hard times because that is when it hits us the hardest. But life really is one big learning experience...haha dont get me wrong, this is an obvious statement and I have realized it plenty of times, just been pondering it for a while lately because I am constantly learning.
Along with the laughter I would be lying if I didn't say there has been a great deal of sadness as well...cried a lot in the last week and a half because I am sensitive anyways and when I am lost and not sure of what's next I completely break down. When it comes to summer time I feel like I just do a great deal of waiting and boy am I an impatient person, it is SO HARD! This is the season where I have to slow down, listen, learn, grow and then I am allowed to move on, ughhhhh. Can this be where I pout and go but whyyy God? Not cool. Haha heres the thing, I can be completely sensitive and irrational because I dont feel like its fair if I dont get this opportunity like the rest of the world, but I am completely self-aware and then cant pout for long because I know in the back of my mind I am wrong and God is right...maybe its a little competitive spirit with the Man...maybe I should pick a different opponent haha. Kidding! Today I am feeling at peace with it all so I wouldnt change anything about my life. We all would like to speed up our processes but everything happens for a reason, right? ;)
I am also just feeling extra happy right now and excited deep down because I have been thinking about what its going to look like going back to Gardner Webb. I spent the last two years being anxious and overly excited to see my older friends, who were seniors last year and now that they have all graduated, its weird. I used to think what would I have to be excited about after they were all gone, seriously I used to be miserable just thinking about it. But God brought those people into my life during that time for a reason and they taught me so many things and now I am going into my senior year without them physically next to me but so close to my heart and my excitement is for all the underclassmen, people I love so dearly and at one point in my life didnt think the friendships I have with some of them would ever exist. So thankful. God is good. And I cant wait!
Alright...I could keep going but looks like I need to do work now... maybe :)
Love you all!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Real Life-Bestfranns
Well to start today has just been a great day, literally have not been able to stop smiling because today has just been one of those days where a) really needed some love b) really needed some quality best friend time with miss helen darden and I got both of those things times a million.
I recently moved to Columbia with Helen to work at the YMCA with her, I was and am still pumped about it but I would be lying if I didnt say I had major anxiety about it all to the point where I practically quit only having done it one day. The day I decided that I wasnt going to work there I stayed at home and cried all day because I wasnt sure if I was making the right decision. I talked to a couple of my friends and one which encouraged me to make a pros/cons list for staying. After doing that I got slapped in the face because I knew that my pros were outweighing my cons. Then I did my quiet time where it talked a lot about sorrow and trials and to know that no matter what we face God will always be by our side. Not that I dont know this but because I had been so anxious about everything I was a bit blinded in this. Clearly, I would be dumb to leave simply out of fear and anxiety.
One of the things that I questioned most about being here was the affect it might have on my friendship with Helen. I am all about my friends and would never do anything to risk harming friendships in any way, granted I know there are going to be decisions in life that I have to make that may affect them but with this I just felt it was a little summer job that was not worth the friendship we have built in the past year. Being here for the first few days we barely talked which was and is hard because I know it will happen more, because while I was home I got a text message to start my day and a text message to end my day so with that there was always something to hold on to and it was great. Also being here we live with her sister and when we are around our friends I am her best friend and here family comes first, which is great I am a strong believer in that but I do play a different role at times which has been interesting to work with. Yesterday when I was thinking and praying about things and weighing my options, the thought that I would be willing to pass up the opportunity to be around my best friend all summer was insane. Instead of seeing how many negatives could occur from being here I tried to seek the positives...this is what I came up with:
1) I get to see my best friend do what she loves and I get to see all these crazy kids even ones she doesnt know get soo excited to be around her, I wish you could see their faces when they see her, its cute
2) I get to go through new challenges and new experiences with my best friend by my side at the end of the day
3) No matter how the day goes at the end of the night I still get snuggle up next to her and if we dont have real talk, I am comforted just knowing that Im next to such an amazing person
4) I get the opportunity to grow in ways that I probably would never have pushed myself to do but thats another thing I love about Helen, the Lord gives me strength to do the things I am supposed to do and Helen motivates me everyday to make sure I do those things
Really I could go on and on because thats how good of a day its been. Its been fun because since we have become friends I have never erased a single text message on my phone and we have been going through them all day and its been so funny to read them. It has made me even more thankful to have someone like her in my life because she along with many others have put up with so much and I am so blessed.
I will stop rambling now. Love you all so much!
I recently moved to Columbia with Helen to work at the YMCA with her, I was and am still pumped about it but I would be lying if I didnt say I had major anxiety about it all to the point where I practically quit only having done it one day. The day I decided that I wasnt going to work there I stayed at home and cried all day because I wasnt sure if I was making the right decision. I talked to a couple of my friends and one which encouraged me to make a pros/cons list for staying. After doing that I got slapped in the face because I knew that my pros were outweighing my cons. Then I did my quiet time where it talked a lot about sorrow and trials and to know that no matter what we face God will always be by our side. Not that I dont know this but because I had been so anxious about everything I was a bit blinded in this. Clearly, I would be dumb to leave simply out of fear and anxiety.
One of the things that I questioned most about being here was the affect it might have on my friendship with Helen. I am all about my friends and would never do anything to risk harming friendships in any way, granted I know there are going to be decisions in life that I have to make that may affect them but with this I just felt it was a little summer job that was not worth the friendship we have built in the past year. Being here for the first few days we barely talked which was and is hard because I know it will happen more, because while I was home I got a text message to start my day and a text message to end my day so with that there was always something to hold on to and it was great. Also being here we live with her sister and when we are around our friends I am her best friend and here family comes first, which is great I am a strong believer in that but I do play a different role at times which has been interesting to work with. Yesterday when I was thinking and praying about things and weighing my options, the thought that I would be willing to pass up the opportunity to be around my best friend all summer was insane. Instead of seeing how many negatives could occur from being here I tried to seek the positives...this is what I came up with:
1) I get to see my best friend do what she loves and I get to see all these crazy kids even ones she doesnt know get soo excited to be around her, I wish you could see their faces when they see her, its cute
2) I get to go through new challenges and new experiences with my best friend by my side at the end of the day
3) No matter how the day goes at the end of the night I still get snuggle up next to her and if we dont have real talk, I am comforted just knowing that Im next to such an amazing person
4) I get the opportunity to grow in ways that I probably would never have pushed myself to do but thats another thing I love about Helen, the Lord gives me strength to do the things I am supposed to do and Helen motivates me everyday to make sure I do those things
Really I could go on and on because thats how good of a day its been. Its been fun because since we have become friends I have never erased a single text message on my phone and we have been going through them all day and its been so funny to read them. It has made me even more thankful to have someone like her in my life because she along with many others have put up with so much and I am so blessed.
I will stop rambling now. Love you all so much!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Real Life-Ring Them Bells
Been missing my blogging lately so thought I would share a few thoughts real quick before I grab some dinner. Lately there is this song I have been obsessed with called Ring Them Bells, performed by Natasha Bedingfield but it was originally a Bob Dylan song.
I love this song for many many reasons that I wont go into right now but I will say look up the lyrics and maybe look into the meaning of the song as a whole its pretty cool. I just sit and put this song on repeat because it just gets my wheels spinning, so many emotions going through my mind from happy to sad to angry because basically this song is just one big wake up call for the world.
Today we went rafting down a river which if any of you knows how that goes, it takes many many hours haha its peaceful and kind of hot but you have no choice but to keep floating because there is no turning back once you start... which sometimes stuff like this is cool. Choices are always good but sometimes in life given only one choice allows us to accomplish and do things we never thought we could. I dunno...just a thought. Anyways with something like floating down the river you just sit in an inner tube and have conversation with people your with or just sit and think.
Personally, I think and reflect. I love nature and the beauty of all it. I would just keep looking up to the sky watching the clouds roll by, the sun go in and out of them, see the trees sway with the little bit of breeze there might be, its just so pretty. I laughed a lot in my head at some people who were just out on the river to get swasted, I was thinking they probably weren't thinking too much about the trees and the clouds which is fine but I do believe they were missing out, they didn't quite get to see the big picture of it all.
Ultimately thats why I love this song, it depicts the world that we live in, the big picture of it all that many of us are just so blind to. The world is full of so much beauty that is constantly covered up by hate, crimes, just a bunch of dumb stuff that shouldn't even matter. Really I could just keep on going but thats my spill for the day.
Much love.
I love this song for many many reasons that I wont go into right now but I will say look up the lyrics and maybe look into the meaning of the song as a whole its pretty cool. I just sit and put this song on repeat because it just gets my wheels spinning, so many emotions going through my mind from happy to sad to angry because basically this song is just one big wake up call for the world.
Today we went rafting down a river which if any of you knows how that goes, it takes many many hours haha its peaceful and kind of hot but you have no choice but to keep floating because there is no turning back once you start... which sometimes stuff like this is cool. Choices are always good but sometimes in life given only one choice allows us to accomplish and do things we never thought we could. I dunno...just a thought. Anyways with something like floating down the river you just sit in an inner tube and have conversation with people your with or just sit and think.
Personally, I think and reflect. I love nature and the beauty of all it. I would just keep looking up to the sky watching the clouds roll by, the sun go in and out of them, see the trees sway with the little bit of breeze there might be, its just so pretty. I laughed a lot in my head at some people who were just out on the river to get swasted, I was thinking they probably weren't thinking too much about the trees and the clouds which is fine but I do believe they were missing out, they didn't quite get to see the big picture of it all.
Ultimately thats why I love this song, it depicts the world that we live in, the big picture of it all that many of us are just so blind to. The world is full of so much beauty that is constantly covered up by hate, crimes, just a bunch of dumb stuff that shouldn't even matter. Really I could just keep on going but thats my spill for the day.
Much love.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Real Life-Surprise!!
So I love love lovveee surprises...
most people dont. i get it. but there is something that really gets me going when i know things that in the end will make people really happy. and its fun knowing than and then watching them actually respond that way. haha well most of the time it turns out good... :P
Today I got to surprise my friend Caroline who is going on a trip to Seattle at the end of this week. She had to raise all the support to be able to do this trip and the last time I was with her she still had about $400 to raise...I asked her just last night how much she had left and she said about 200-300, from that I couldnt hold it in. Several friends and I got together whatever we could to help her make up what she had left...thankfully I was able to tell her that we covered $150 of it! She was so excited and it made me so excited.
Big things I have learned this year are 1) the importance on acting on what I believe in and 2) the importance of community and 3) the importance of putting those two things together. I believe that everyone should live their dream, whether it is being able to stay at the college of their choice or go to Seattle for a month. Nothing should limit those kinds of things, not fear, not money, not someone telling you it cant happen. Before this past year I would easily say that there are things that are just simply impossible, but now I feel like nothing is impossible. When people say nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it, they sure arent lying. Really I could go on and on about the things I have learned but we can save that for later...now some more about Caroline and her trip!
She will be there for a whole month working in the prisons and with homeless people. How cool is that? I remember a few of the first conversations we had she expressed how much she loved working with homeless people and such...I dont know about you but not a lot of people have a passion like that and its so cool to see her be able to work in that this summer especially because I know it is going to be a great experience for her.
SO...my people, be praying for her over the next month. Pray that the Lord will guide her and give her strength in this chapter in her life and that He would continue to do great things through her and for her.
Love you all!
most people dont. i get it. but there is something that really gets me going when i know things that in the end will make people really happy. and its fun knowing than and then watching them actually respond that way. haha well most of the time it turns out good... :P
Today I got to surprise my friend Caroline who is going on a trip to Seattle at the end of this week. She had to raise all the support to be able to do this trip and the last time I was with her she still had about $400 to raise...I asked her just last night how much she had left and she said about 200-300, from that I couldnt hold it in. Several friends and I got together whatever we could to help her make up what she had left...thankfully I was able to tell her that we covered $150 of it! She was so excited and it made me so excited.
Big things I have learned this year are 1) the importance on acting on what I believe in and 2) the importance of community and 3) the importance of putting those two things together. I believe that everyone should live their dream, whether it is being able to stay at the college of their choice or go to Seattle for a month. Nothing should limit those kinds of things, not fear, not money, not someone telling you it cant happen. Before this past year I would easily say that there are things that are just simply impossible, but now I feel like nothing is impossible. When people say nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it, they sure arent lying. Really I could go on and on about the things I have learned but we can save that for later...now some more about Caroline and her trip!
She will be there for a whole month working in the prisons and with homeless people. How cool is that? I remember a few of the first conversations we had she expressed how much she loved working with homeless people and such...I dont know about you but not a lot of people have a passion like that and its so cool to see her be able to work in that this summer especially because I know it is going to be a great experience for her.
SO...my people, be praying for her over the next month. Pray that the Lord will guide her and give her strength in this chapter in her life and that He would continue to do great things through her and for her.
Love you all!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Real Life-home is where the heart is...
I just had to share the song I have recently been obsessed with...literally...
Its called Home and its by the guy who won American Idol this year, Phillip Phillips...look him up!
Heres the lyrics:
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
I love it for many reasons. Phillips voice is amazing and the song mmm just gives me goose bumps ALL the time. I also just love the lyrics in this because I feel like at some point in our lives we get to a place where we feel lonely or just unsure of what is to come next and in the song just tells us hey, give it time, dont worry, cause no matter what you'll find the comfort of home wherever you are.
It makes me think a lot about college in general, whether it is beginning college as so many people are graduating high school right now, or during college, or even life after college. All of those times we find ourselves fearful and pulled away from our "homes." In the last year it has been a beautiful thing to see several people hate to leave their actual homes and come to school or just not being able to find a place right away but over time they found a new home at school. And then watching so many seniors graduate, some really sure of what they were gonna do and some not so much but knowing that wherever they go, they will still find home.
I dont know, I am kind of rambling but really I just love this song a lot. On repeat as we speak. Check it out!
Its called Home and its by the guy who won American Idol this year, Phillip Phillips...look him up!
Heres the lyrics:
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
I love it for many reasons. Phillips voice is amazing and the song mmm just gives me goose bumps ALL the time. I also just love the lyrics in this because I feel like at some point in our lives we get to a place where we feel lonely or just unsure of what is to come next and in the song just tells us hey, give it time, dont worry, cause no matter what you'll find the comfort of home wherever you are.
It makes me think a lot about college in general, whether it is beginning college as so many people are graduating high school right now, or during college, or even life after college. All of those times we find ourselves fearful and pulled away from our "homes." In the last year it has been a beautiful thing to see several people hate to leave their actual homes and come to school or just not being able to find a place right away but over time they found a new home at school. And then watching so many seniors graduate, some really sure of what they were gonna do and some not so much but knowing that wherever they go, they will still find home.
I dont know, I am kind of rambling but really I just love this song a lot. On repeat as we speak. Check it out!
LOVE YOU ALL!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Real Life-finding normalcy
well last week was long, had great great moments and really low moments. i guess moments in life are what create who we are though right? I am thankful for all of last week even though wasnt sure how I was going to recover at one point. been struggling being home mainly in the dull moments when i sit home alone with nothing to do because i think too much and I am not used to being still that long. kind of makes me go crazy to say the least. i miss my friends a lot too because with friends its easy especially in a community of believers where we are all seeking to be christ like and serve each other in many ways.
something that i do cherish though about being a part from people is being able to realize how much you do appreciate and love each individual for the special things they all bring into your life. just like when you are away at college and your family is what you miss most because of little things that while living there you always overlooked or took for granted. its cool and fun. of course nowadays we have all this glorious technology that still lets us be in touch with each other whenever we want, sometimes its a blessing, sometimes it works against us. i admit i enjoy it because lets be for real, probably wouldnt make it without it but sometimes i just want to be next to that person, have a real conversation sitting next to that person, not just be a text message that may or may not interrupt whatever that person is doing...sometimes i just dont enjoy it at all.
this past week helen went on a family vacation and we decided to not speak or text i guess you should say the whole time she was away. ok heres the thing, this is the person i see and talk to most in my days...so with that i knew it was going to be so hard but i figured it wouldnt be half bad because me and chels were going to road trip it to raleigh for a couple of days to see lydia so i knew my mind would at least be able to get away somewhere. of course there was divine intervention and our road trip got cancelled.
no babysitting jobs. no friends around. everyones at work. cut myself off from one tree hill haha. good news though I MADE IT! it was hard not to talk to helen but we both agreed that it made us both appreciate other a lot more and so that was cool. and while she was away i wanted to try and use that time to really focus on some things. before she left we had a couple conversations on making sure we were focusing our attention on the Lord and not just our friendship, something that we both can easily sway away from. also in the back of my mind that week I just kept thinking of what Chelsea might say, she has always been one to remind me to find joy in being still. So I just devoted a lot of my time to the Lord last week and just let Him speak to me in anything I happened to be doing that day.
I for once used my thoughts in a good way I guess you could say...I didnt allow them to work against me this time and it was cool. For me its easy to appreciate the good when I feel like the moment is perfect and a lot of the times when I am sharing it with someone I love. But this past week I got to enjoy looking at the sunset by myself, seeing and feeling the rain and hearing the thunder by myself, watching the clouds roll on and wandering if the sky could look more beautiful by myself....it was all beautiful and I got to appreciate the Lords work, just me and God. I loved that part of the week. But now being able to talk to Helen again and having my friend Brittany come visit and stay with me this weekend, and going for a drive with Chelsea made me even more thankful that the most beautiful thing about it all is that we can appreciate these things alone but we were made to be in relationships just like our relationship with the Lord and we dont have to be alone or do it all alone and boy is it a great thing.
thats all for now folks. yolo! :)
something that i do cherish though about being a part from people is being able to realize how much you do appreciate and love each individual for the special things they all bring into your life. just like when you are away at college and your family is what you miss most because of little things that while living there you always overlooked or took for granted. its cool and fun. of course nowadays we have all this glorious technology that still lets us be in touch with each other whenever we want, sometimes its a blessing, sometimes it works against us. i admit i enjoy it because lets be for real, probably wouldnt make it without it but sometimes i just want to be next to that person, have a real conversation sitting next to that person, not just be a text message that may or may not interrupt whatever that person is doing...sometimes i just dont enjoy it at all.
this past week helen went on a family vacation and we decided to not speak or text i guess you should say the whole time she was away. ok heres the thing, this is the person i see and talk to most in my days...so with that i knew it was going to be so hard but i figured it wouldnt be half bad because me and chels were going to road trip it to raleigh for a couple of days to see lydia so i knew my mind would at least be able to get away somewhere. of course there was divine intervention and our road trip got cancelled.
no babysitting jobs. no friends around. everyones at work. cut myself off from one tree hill haha. good news though I MADE IT! it was hard not to talk to helen but we both agreed that it made us both appreciate other a lot more and so that was cool. and while she was away i wanted to try and use that time to really focus on some things. before she left we had a couple conversations on making sure we were focusing our attention on the Lord and not just our friendship, something that we both can easily sway away from. also in the back of my mind that week I just kept thinking of what Chelsea might say, she has always been one to remind me to find joy in being still. So I just devoted a lot of my time to the Lord last week and just let Him speak to me in anything I happened to be doing that day.
I for once used my thoughts in a good way I guess you could say...I didnt allow them to work against me this time and it was cool. For me its easy to appreciate the good when I feel like the moment is perfect and a lot of the times when I am sharing it with someone I love. But this past week I got to enjoy looking at the sunset by myself, seeing and feeling the rain and hearing the thunder by myself, watching the clouds roll on and wandering if the sky could look more beautiful by myself....it was all beautiful and I got to appreciate the Lords work, just me and God. I loved that part of the week. But now being able to talk to Helen again and having my friend Brittany come visit and stay with me this weekend, and going for a drive with Chelsea made me even more thankful that the most beautiful thing about it all is that we can appreciate these things alone but we were made to be in relationships just like our relationship with the Lord and we dont have to be alone or do it all alone and boy is it a great thing.
thats all for now folks. yolo! :)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Real Life-This is it
So... we all know how I feel about friendships, how I feel about long periods of time apart from people I love most, how I feel about goodbyes, etc... Last night I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was saying goodbye to my friend Amy Brown. I definitely have blogged about her before but home girl deserves another shout out. I cant stand here and thank God for placing special people in my life and not think of her. This blog post really cant even do justice on how thankful I am for her but I'll do my best.
I have noticed that for really really good friendships things just fall into place and half the time you cant even remember how they began. Not saying that Amy and I don't have a really good friendship but it has taken a good bit of time. I know that the first time I even took notice to Amy was at a Young Life meeting we had and I heard her laugh and immediately couldn't help but to laugh myself and think she was really awesome, loud and proud would be the best way to describe her. From there I knew that I just really wanted to be her friend, haha always the little kid trying to get in with the big kids, but really...
I didnt really get much of a chance to be close to her until I decided to actually attend Gardner Webb and live on campus, from there I was able to attend her bible study. God had big plans for me in that one because it was life changing the first week I went, and the first person I was able to be open with and reveal who I really was just happened to be Amy Brown. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do but she was there for me and it was awesome.
Of course it wasnt always peaches and cream (which is kind of gross but sounded like a good analogy)... you see Amy Brown is this really popular person where everyone and there mom always demands her time.... well and you see I am this person that if I want to be around you I will be so demanding myself and when things dont work out I get frustrated. So I went through this stage where I would get so frustrated with amy because well...sometimes hanging out didnt always work out. Oh well... thankfully she was too hard to let go of over my stupid personal problems and fate brought us back together, or just me growing up :p
I have cherished this past year the most for the time I have been able to hang out with Amy. There were plenty of moments that we created that I will never ever forget. One of the most special times I have ever had with Amy has been when she has brought in the new year with me by celebrating my birthday as soon as it hit midnight. It sounds really silly, but to me it was one night that I was able to see how intentional she was in loving me, something that in the beginning I think I overlooked at times. Truth is, she is one of the most intentional people I know and loves people so much, of course its hard to give everyone the same amount of love but I know that if she could she would do so. Too bad, there is only one of her. :P I am thankful that I got so much of her love and time over the past couple of years.
She is an amazing person and an amazing friend. I will miss her more than anything!
RBI for life, right amy brown?
I have noticed that for really really good friendships things just fall into place and half the time you cant even remember how they began. Not saying that Amy and I don't have a really good friendship but it has taken a good bit of time. I know that the first time I even took notice to Amy was at a Young Life meeting we had and I heard her laugh and immediately couldn't help but to laugh myself and think she was really awesome, loud and proud would be the best way to describe her. From there I knew that I just really wanted to be her friend, haha always the little kid trying to get in with the big kids, but really...
I didnt really get much of a chance to be close to her until I decided to actually attend Gardner Webb and live on campus, from there I was able to attend her bible study. God had big plans for me in that one because it was life changing the first week I went, and the first person I was able to be open with and reveal who I really was just happened to be Amy Brown. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do but she was there for me and it was awesome.
Of course it wasnt always peaches and cream (which is kind of gross but sounded like a good analogy)... you see Amy Brown is this really popular person where everyone and there mom always demands her time.... well and you see I am this person that if I want to be around you I will be so demanding myself and when things dont work out I get frustrated. So I went through this stage where I would get so frustrated with amy because well...sometimes hanging out didnt always work out. Oh well... thankfully she was too hard to let go of over my stupid personal problems and fate brought us back together, or just me growing up :p
I have cherished this past year the most for the time I have been able to hang out with Amy. There were plenty of moments that we created that I will never ever forget. One of the most special times I have ever had with Amy has been when she has brought in the new year with me by celebrating my birthday as soon as it hit midnight. It sounds really silly, but to me it was one night that I was able to see how intentional she was in loving me, something that in the beginning I think I overlooked at times. Truth is, she is one of the most intentional people I know and loves people so much, of course its hard to give everyone the same amount of love but I know that if she could she would do so. Too bad, there is only one of her. :P I am thankful that I got so much of her love and time over the past couple of years.
She is an amazing person and an amazing friend. I will miss her more than anything!
RBI for life, right amy brown?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Real Life-Living in the moment
Yesterday was bittersweet because I had to leave Helens house after an amazing 3 or 2ish days whatever... I wish words could really describe how great it was but I could ramble on forever and it wouldnt make much difference. Just add it to my list of perfect days, who said 'nothing is perfect' I beg to differ.
I am still sitting here, thinking about the past few days and soaking it all in...it was surely a breath of fresh air of all the fears I had been having about this summer.We were able to just live in the moment, whether that moment was a car ride filled with me butchering a Whitney Houston song, playing with her little brother Phillip, listening and watching the rain, thunder and lightening, and/or digging into our every thoughts haha, but really...
One thing I realized last night was that obviously having a relationship with the Lord brings soo many blessings, but in particular that I thought of was that as Christians we are called to put others before ourselves, to be disciples and to serve constantly, which ultimately forces us to constantly look at the big picture of things taking notice to small things whether it be through the things we say or how we act, we ultimately see what God has in store for us and His plans.
Its nice to be in the light of that but it made me sad to think of all the people who go through their every day, over and over again, and for a lot of people it means nothing but simply making it through another day. How sad is that? SO much can happen in one day, we need to take advantage of this people! I dont mean this in any bad way but one person who I thought of most when it came to this was my dad...so many times I hear him talk and I just constantly think to myself, "man, if he could just see the big picture and live in this very moment, he would be soo happy."
He definitely isnt wrong for not doing so because lets face it, it is soo easy to get caught up in the world and 'things' and find more negatives than positives. (guilty as charged on that one) He is currently working third shift because he wasnt able to find a job anywhere else after his plant closed down because of the economy, he worked at his last job for like 25 years...whoaa big transitions. I know that if I were in his shoes I would struggle to see the light as well but we got to find it somewhere. I want him to be happy more than anyone because he deserves it, I want him to live in the moment again and find joy even in the job that he hates. Is that too much to ask for? I dunno...just throwing out thoughts. I love my dad and look up to him for the things he does and the sacrifices he makes so I'm not complaining by no means but its hard to see him down so much.
So before I continue to ramble on I will just end in some questions:
What makes you happy?
Where have you seen God lately?
What are the blessings in your life?
I am still sitting here, thinking about the past few days and soaking it all in...it was surely a breath of fresh air of all the fears I had been having about this summer.We were able to just live in the moment, whether that moment was a car ride filled with me butchering a Whitney Houston song, playing with her little brother Phillip, listening and watching the rain, thunder and lightening, and/or digging into our every thoughts haha, but really...
One thing I realized last night was that obviously having a relationship with the Lord brings soo many blessings, but in particular that I thought of was that as Christians we are called to put others before ourselves, to be disciples and to serve constantly, which ultimately forces us to constantly look at the big picture of things taking notice to small things whether it be through the things we say or how we act, we ultimately see what God has in store for us and His plans.
Its nice to be in the light of that but it made me sad to think of all the people who go through their every day, over and over again, and for a lot of people it means nothing but simply making it through another day. How sad is that? SO much can happen in one day, we need to take advantage of this people! I dont mean this in any bad way but one person who I thought of most when it came to this was my dad...so many times I hear him talk and I just constantly think to myself, "man, if he could just see the big picture and live in this very moment, he would be soo happy."
He definitely isnt wrong for not doing so because lets face it, it is soo easy to get caught up in the world and 'things' and find more negatives than positives. (guilty as charged on that one) He is currently working third shift because he wasnt able to find a job anywhere else after his plant closed down because of the economy, he worked at his last job for like 25 years...whoaa big transitions. I know that if I were in his shoes I would struggle to see the light as well but we got to find it somewhere. I want him to be happy more than anyone because he deserves it, I want him to live in the moment again and find joy even in the job that he hates. Is that too much to ask for? I dunno...just throwing out thoughts. I love my dad and look up to him for the things he does and the sacrifices he makes so I'm not complaining by no means but its hard to see him down so much.
So before I continue to ramble on I will just end in some questions:
What makes you happy?
Where have you seen God lately?
What are the blessings in your life?
Monday, May 21, 2012
Real Life-Is this my life?
Do you ever feel like in some moments everything just seems so perfect? Do you ever just want to capture that perfect moment and make it last forever? Or... Do you ever stop to ask yourself, "for real, is this my life"? I feel like I do that ALL the time... I mean just as for most of us we just go through our busy lives and then that one awesome sunset catches our eye and we suddenly are woke up from whatever we were stuck in and we finally see the beauty that life holds right before our eyes.
I am on such a high right now because of several things, I just signed myself up to going on a trip to Africa next summer (hello!! AFRICA WHAAA??), there is a thunderstorm outside, and I'm with my best friend in the whole wide world. ALL of these moments where I stop and go "for real, is this my life"? Can you feel the energy from me? I am so pumped. Just loving my life right now. Loving it so much I couldnt even wait to blog about it.
This morning before I got to see Helen I was sooo excited I barely even slept last night, legit like 4 hours tops. And even this morning I had extra time that I journaled about how excited I was. Just been constantly feeling blessed in a lot of areas of my life and especially in my friendship with Helen. Its not only a close sister friendship or just a friendship where we every once in a while talk about what God has done in our life. Nope...every day is a new day and every day we are pushing ourselves towards something, or at least I feel that way. I've been blessed to have several people in my life that have pushed me in directions like this but some take the reign and God puts them there for a reason and boy is it life changing. And let me tell you...MY LIFE IS CHANGING! Haha but really, it has been taking all kinds of twists and turns and its been a beautiful thing to stand back and just take in every once in a while.
Tonight being one of those nights. So get on my level people! :) Love you all!
I am on such a high right now because of several things, I just signed myself up to going on a trip to Africa next summer (hello!! AFRICA WHAAA??), there is a thunderstorm outside, and I'm with my best friend in the whole wide world. ALL of these moments where I stop and go "for real, is this my life"? Can you feel the energy from me? I am so pumped. Just loving my life right now. Loving it so much I couldnt even wait to blog about it.
This morning before I got to see Helen I was sooo excited I barely even slept last night, legit like 4 hours tops. And even this morning I had extra time that I journaled about how excited I was. Just been constantly feeling blessed in a lot of areas of my life and especially in my friendship with Helen. Its not only a close sister friendship or just a friendship where we every once in a while talk about what God has done in our life. Nope...every day is a new day and every day we are pushing ourselves towards something, or at least I feel that way. I've been blessed to have several people in my life that have pushed me in directions like this but some take the reign and God puts them there for a reason and boy is it life changing. And let me tell you...MY LIFE IS CHANGING! Haha but really, it has been taking all kinds of twists and turns and its been a beautiful thing to stand back and just take in every once in a while.
Tonight being one of those nights. So get on my level people! :) Love you all!
Friday, May 18, 2012
Real Life-Assumptions
Summer has officially began... really wish that was more exciting to say but oh well... It really has been good so far but it is always hard to live with a bunch of people for so so long and have a routine of things and then totally switch things up for a few months and barely talk to those people. My parents think I just dont like being home but its far from true, I mainly just like to be doing different things and dont like feeling stuck in one spot which small towns tend to feel like. Granted I go to college in an even smaller town, college just presents more of a sense of freedom even if it just means going to cookout at the most ridiculous time of night. I think Amy Brown and I hit our record time this year by going around 1 or so and with having the most work to do in one night, well...she did at least. :)
Anywho here some thoughts I've had lately, because it seems like in the past month or so I have seen just a lot of the devil working in things. In North Carolina in particular there was just a voting to pass the first amendment law or whatever...to be honest it was quite confusing but basically if you voted for amendment one you were in support of 'not' allowing two people of the same sex to get married and if you voted against it you were in support of allowing such an act to take place. Ready for thoughts?
Truthfully I personally do not agree with a relationship of the same sex but that is as far as I will go with that... in my own opinion I do not agree with it and that is just something that just isnt in my life. So with that though, I do not hate people who agree with this or the people that are gay or whatever the correct term is. I do think we are called to love each other no matter what part of life we are in or how we choose to live our lives. The biggest reason I would not support amendment one is because in a way it was giving me right to have a say on something that for most people is the biggest decision of their life, marraige is big. Its sad that the world feels entitled to have a say on things like that because they are disgusted by it or whatever silly reasons they may have. It in all honesty is none of anyone elses business. Things like this just bring so much more evil about than there already was.
More thoughts...also in regards to judgment, I know I made a post kind of ranting about my thoughts about the way people judge others so heres a little more flames to the fire. It really makes me sad when people just assume things about others, whether it be from the way that they look, way they live their life, actions, etc... the list could go on. I get it, I know that it is soo simple to go off of these things especially when we see it practically smacking us in the face but unless we know the truth it still is unfair judgement. And no matter what we say when things like that happen it will always alter the way we view people and if that doesnt happen, it may alter the way that person views you if they know you are judging them. Again just brings out more evil in the world...
yes, it is hard to love all of the world where its at but in the end its worth the sacrifice
Anywho here some thoughts I've had lately, because it seems like in the past month or so I have seen just a lot of the devil working in things. In North Carolina in particular there was just a voting to pass the first amendment law or whatever...to be honest it was quite confusing but basically if you voted for amendment one you were in support of 'not' allowing two people of the same sex to get married and if you voted against it you were in support of allowing such an act to take place. Ready for thoughts?
Truthfully I personally do not agree with a relationship of the same sex but that is as far as I will go with that... in my own opinion I do not agree with it and that is just something that just isnt in my life. So with that though, I do not hate people who agree with this or the people that are gay or whatever the correct term is. I do think we are called to love each other no matter what part of life we are in or how we choose to live our lives. The biggest reason I would not support amendment one is because in a way it was giving me right to have a say on something that for most people is the biggest decision of their life, marraige is big. Its sad that the world feels entitled to have a say on things like that because they are disgusted by it or whatever silly reasons they may have. It in all honesty is none of anyone elses business. Things like this just bring so much more evil about than there already was.
More thoughts...also in regards to judgment, I know I made a post kind of ranting about my thoughts about the way people judge others so heres a little more flames to the fire. It really makes me sad when people just assume things about others, whether it be from the way that they look, way they live their life, actions, etc... the list could go on. I get it, I know that it is soo simple to go off of these things especially when we see it practically smacking us in the face but unless we know the truth it still is unfair judgement. And no matter what we say when things like that happen it will always alter the way we view people and if that doesnt happen, it may alter the way that person views you if they know you are judging them. Again just brings out more evil in the world...
yes, it is hard to love all of the world where its at but in the end its worth the sacrifice
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Real Life-Today is the day
Well...its here...the day I've been dreading most for the the last two years but more in the last year...the day marking the end of my junior year. Sounds silly right? I dread this day more than the last day of my senior year thats to come, and I can say that pretty confidently. The memories I have built with the seniors this year have been life changing and really just the memories I have built with everything this year has been life changing. I have seen love on so many different levels, from up close from far away, its been beautiful to witness.
I am super sensitive as well all know so the past two weeks have been tormenting me, I go to lay down at night and just cry...at first it was mainly because I was sad, then at some point I think I got angry, and now its tears of joy, honestly. I find myself in certain situations or moments where if God allowed us a pause button, even for a minute more I would press it. I do worry a lot, and I hate it a lot but lately it has been a little of that and a lot of living in the moment and just soaking it in. We all hear the phrase that pictures are worth a thousand words but I think a snapshot of my life would be worth way more than that. I have constantly stopped myself and literally thought, "Is this real life?" And almost didnt believe it because boy it has been so good. I do my best to capture the friendships I have within my blog or display some of my life or thoughts but its hard to do when you have amazing people and things in your life. God is so good and powerful and that itself has hit me hard this semester.
When things were sticky with the situation with Helen who wasnt going to be able to come back here to Gardner Webb... I joked around saying I never fully understood what "prayer without ceasing" really meant...I say that I joked but real life, I really have come to grasp this and I for a long time didnt think it was possible. Whether it was praying for the Helen to stay at Gardner Webb or my next Hebrew test, I constantly found myself in constant prayer this semester. I pray for these amazing people that surround me everyday, I pray for my family every day, I pray for people I dont even know, I pray that God would keep showing up like He did this semester because I can actually see it and feel His presence.
One of the biggest things that has helped me in all this is in the relationship with one of my friends, surprise! But really...I have had good friends, great friends, and when I felt like those people need to go up even more of a level, Ive had best friends but this one tops it all. It is a friendship that brings out the most important things to me, the most important is my relationship with the Lord. I have always found myself taking one step forward and then two steps back because I got scared or something didnt go my way but everyday I am looking to step forward and I'm challenged in it, whether its through simple things or really really tough things.
Blah blah blah I could go on forever cause frankly I am kind of freaking out. Goodbyes are not my favorite, of course of course "see you next year" is always an option but in this moment it still is goodbye because something will go away and something new will come back. Not saying there is going to be a drastic change and things will end but we are constantly moving through the seasons and changing as we keep on growing.
So...goodbye, for now? :)
I am super sensitive as well all know so the past two weeks have been tormenting me, I go to lay down at night and just cry...at first it was mainly because I was sad, then at some point I think I got angry, and now its tears of joy, honestly. I find myself in certain situations or moments where if God allowed us a pause button, even for a minute more I would press it. I do worry a lot, and I hate it a lot but lately it has been a little of that and a lot of living in the moment and just soaking it in. We all hear the phrase that pictures are worth a thousand words but I think a snapshot of my life would be worth way more than that. I have constantly stopped myself and literally thought, "Is this real life?" And almost didnt believe it because boy it has been so good. I do my best to capture the friendships I have within my blog or display some of my life or thoughts but its hard to do when you have amazing people and things in your life. God is so good and powerful and that itself has hit me hard this semester.
When things were sticky with the situation with Helen who wasnt going to be able to come back here to Gardner Webb... I joked around saying I never fully understood what "prayer without ceasing" really meant...I say that I joked but real life, I really have come to grasp this and I for a long time didnt think it was possible. Whether it was praying for the Helen to stay at Gardner Webb or my next Hebrew test, I constantly found myself in constant prayer this semester. I pray for these amazing people that surround me everyday, I pray for my family every day, I pray for people I dont even know, I pray that God would keep showing up like He did this semester because I can actually see it and feel His presence.
One of the biggest things that has helped me in all this is in the relationship with one of my friends, surprise! But really...I have had good friends, great friends, and when I felt like those people need to go up even more of a level, Ive had best friends but this one tops it all. It is a friendship that brings out the most important things to me, the most important is my relationship with the Lord. I have always found myself taking one step forward and then two steps back because I got scared or something didnt go my way but everyday I am looking to step forward and I'm challenged in it, whether its through simple things or really really tough things.
Blah blah blah I could go on forever cause frankly I am kind of freaking out. Goodbyes are not my favorite, of course of course "see you next year" is always an option but in this moment it still is goodbye because something will go away and something new will come back. Not saying there is going to be a drastic change and things will end but we are constantly moving through the seasons and changing as we keep on growing.
So...goodbye, for now? :)
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Real Life-Caroline Netherland
Ok...so her last name really isn't Netherland, I just wanted to put something cool on her contact name in my phone.
Any who, there have been several posts I've made of friends that are the most important people in my life and I could not leave this girl out of that list. Hmm...where to start
Oh I got it, first off I love reading her blog which here if you want to follow it carolines blog , she might kill me for this but her thoughts are important too!
BUT besides her blog, real life she is probably one of the most unique people I have ever come across and I say that in a very positive way. When we hang out it is always an adventure that ends in real life talk... probably my two favorite activities in the world. I love to have a good time and play around with people but I love learning, learning about other peoples lives and seeing how God is using them, its a beautiful thing.
Caroline is just another Godly woman who speaks into my life and its awesome. Her love for the Lord shines through in whatever she is doing and it a cool thing to watch and experience. Like myself, she is a thinker and so it is always fun to throw ideas back and forth from each other and laugh at how ridiculous we are and sometimes how ridiculous some of the situations we get in are. Ah and the way that she loves people, me especially, she is so intentional in all the relationships she comes across and is always so encouraging. I will sometimes not know what to say or do when she will speaks up and starts telling me something she loves about me, but I am thankful that she does because it pushes me to keep doing what I'm doing.
One funny thing is that she will always comment on how awkward she is...and don't get me wrong she is definitely awkward BUT what is something that sticks out most about her is no matter how uncomfortable she may feel, she is still going to approach that random person sitting in the corner and talk to them and make them feel apart of something even if its for like one minute haha...and I could go on and on about Caroline because that is how great she is, even if she doesn't admit it, I will for her.
Hmm...I think a good way to describe her would be, if you have ever seen Ramona and Beezus, she is like Ramona...such a child a heart but only wants to be apart of everything and everyone and love them in whatever form even if it means dancing in the rain with someone.
Love you Caroline! So thankful to have you in my life...
Any who, there have been several posts I've made of friends that are the most important people in my life and I could not leave this girl out of that list. Hmm...where to start
Oh I got it, first off I love reading her blog which here if you want to follow it carolines blog , she might kill me for this but her thoughts are important too!
BUT besides her blog, real life she is probably one of the most unique people I have ever come across and I say that in a very positive way. When we hang out it is always an adventure that ends in real life talk... probably my two favorite activities in the world. I love to have a good time and play around with people but I love learning, learning about other peoples lives and seeing how God is using them, its a beautiful thing.
Caroline is just another Godly woman who speaks into my life and its awesome. Her love for the Lord shines through in whatever she is doing and it a cool thing to watch and experience. Like myself, she is a thinker and so it is always fun to throw ideas back and forth from each other and laugh at how ridiculous we are and sometimes how ridiculous some of the situations we get in are. Ah and the way that she loves people, me especially, she is so intentional in all the relationships she comes across and is always so encouraging. I will sometimes not know what to say or do when she will speaks up and starts telling me something she loves about me, but I am thankful that she does because it pushes me to keep doing what I'm doing.
One funny thing is that she will always comment on how awkward she is...and don't get me wrong she is definitely awkward BUT what is something that sticks out most about her is no matter how uncomfortable she may feel, she is still going to approach that random person sitting in the corner and talk to them and make them feel apart of something even if its for like one minute haha...and I could go on and on about Caroline because that is how great she is, even if she doesn't admit it, I will for her.
Hmm...I think a good way to describe her would be, if you have ever seen Ramona and Beezus, she is like Ramona...such a child a heart but only wants to be apart of everything and everyone and love them in whatever form even if it means dancing in the rain with someone.
Love you Caroline! So thankful to have you in my life...
Monday, April 23, 2012
Real Life- The 3 Amigas
My favorite combo of people are myself, and my two friends Lydia and Helen. Most people might get annoyed by us or just think we are plain stupid but WE actually think we know how to have a pretty good time. But really.... I'll admit I am the most sensitive of the three of us but luckily neither one of them know how to express emotions, meaning they don't cry, so we are a pretty well balanced group haha. We can literally roll in the floor laughing at nothing, its like "oh the wall is white, hahahahaha." that is how ridiculous our friendship is.
I am extremely thankful for the amount of laughter these two especially bring into my life, even if you have such a crappy day that you don't even feel like there is a way for you to be happy, you cant help but to laugh at something one of them does or says. Most times having a 3 person group doesn't work out as well because there is always the odd one out, or the "third wheel" as we referred to it one time, but truth is 3 works perfectly. We constantly bring each other up, or if one has a bad day, there are two awesome people there to cheer you up...double the joy ya know :p
Some of my favorite things about Lydia is that we both share crazy laughs, our friend Chelsea says one of us sounds like a hyenna off of the Lion King and the other sounds like Elmo. Absurd combination but its true. I love how real Lydia is, and how she loves everyone no matter what. Even though she is emotionless, she still is there for you whenever you need someone to listen to you and that is an awesome thing to have. She can be silly and roll around in the floor laughing and then on the opposite end be super chill and snuggle up and watch One Tree Hill with me.
Then there is Helen, I mentioned her in my earlier post but thats ok :)...some of my favorite things about her is that she too just loves people no matter who they are and I think that takes a special person especially in a world full of judgement. I love her hugs and that she is such a good snuggle buddy. I love that she will drop what she is doing to help a friend out and is willing to do whatever to make your day better.
Needless to say, I love these two people!
I am extremely thankful for the amount of laughter these two especially bring into my life, even if you have such a crappy day that you don't even feel like there is a way for you to be happy, you cant help but to laugh at something one of them does or says. Most times having a 3 person group doesn't work out as well because there is always the odd one out, or the "third wheel" as we referred to it one time, but truth is 3 works perfectly. We constantly bring each other up, or if one has a bad day, there are two awesome people there to cheer you up...double the joy ya know :p
Some of my favorite things about Lydia is that we both share crazy laughs, our friend Chelsea says one of us sounds like a hyenna off of the Lion King and the other sounds like Elmo. Absurd combination but its true. I love how real Lydia is, and how she loves everyone no matter what. Even though she is emotionless, she still is there for you whenever you need someone to listen to you and that is an awesome thing to have. She can be silly and roll around in the floor laughing and then on the opposite end be super chill and snuggle up and watch One Tree Hill with me.
Then there is Helen, I mentioned her in my earlier post but thats ok :)...some of my favorite things about her is that she too just loves people no matter who they are and I think that takes a special person especially in a world full of judgement. I love her hugs and that she is such a good snuggle buddy. I love that she will drop what she is doing to help a friend out and is willing to do whatever to make your day better.
Needless to say, I love these two people!
Lydia & Helen
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Real Life- New Seasons
In a few weeks major changes, once again, are about to cross my path and I'm not sure if I am ready for it...like for real. I've had meltdowns, I get sick to my stomach, I get excited about it, lately I have just been trying to figure out how I feel about all of it. If I could fully believe myself when I say everything will be ok, well then...everything would be ok but its hard to believe while it has yet to come.
These things may not sound like anything to stress about but the changes that bother me the most have to do with friendships. A few of my best friends will be graduating in may, and then to top that off my bestest friend will technically finish up her time at gwu as well because she has to transfer (seems to be a theme these days here at the webb). Its not the idea of "losing" these friends that makes it so hard because I know I will never lose touch with them but these friendships are what bring me most joy in life, which is funny to say because nowadays we don't always hang out, we have completely separate lives sometimes but when we come back together boy is it good. I cant describe how much comfort I feel in these friendships and how much they have shown so much love, grace...the laughter we have shared together over the years is enough to last a lifetime and I am thankful for every second spent with these people.
They taught me a good bit of what I know today, I know...that sounds silly because I'm in college so I got here knowing something, but its more than just knowledge of the world, and stupid school subjects we spend years going through. They have taught me the simple things in life, how to love with my whole heart, how to give my whole heart, how to have fun and be faithful to God, how to laugh and mean every second of it, and how to trust that things will be ok but we should live in the moment. Now that one I am still learning but the moments I have been able to be still and soak it all in, have been beautiful moments. Some of my favorite have been with my friend Chelsea Hearne, we have conquered the world of sunsets, mountains, and thunderstorms, my favorite things in the whole world, no joke. I guess something that makes me sad about all this, is that these people are moving on into the real world, making those moments more just memories, than weekly activities.
And then there is Helen...my bestest friend here at the Webb and unfortunately has to transfer next year. Shessh that is even hard to type out. Its funny how new friendships develop, sometimes without you even realizing how it all began but one day I told myself that I wanted to get to know this girl and invest in her life. I know God had to have been working in that one because it has been a beautiful thing and I have been enjoying every minute of it since it all started. Helen is by far the funniest person I know, I wish everyone could experience just a few minutes of her humor because it just brightens your day. Thankfully this kid actually wants to spend time with me so I get to laugh many many times a day and it makes up for so much dumb stuff in the world. Although we just became really close a few weeks ago, the thought of her leaving is just as hard as the thought of the seniors graduating. She has been a blessing this semester and sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough time even though this friendship is going to last forever, and I can say that without question.
Ahhh I could go on forever about how much I love these people and how I don't want them to leave me because my life with them in it (in the sense of down the hallway or across campus) is a thousand times better than life without them. I'm trying to stay positive in knowing that Gods plan for me will help me move through all the sadness I feel when I think about it, but until it happens, again I'm still not sure of how I feel about it. But for now Ill pick my chin up as Helen would say and keep cherishing the moments I have with these people.
Nuff said! Peace
These things may not sound like anything to stress about but the changes that bother me the most have to do with friendships. A few of my best friends will be graduating in may, and then to top that off my bestest friend will technically finish up her time at gwu as well because she has to transfer (seems to be a theme these days here at the webb). Its not the idea of "losing" these friends that makes it so hard because I know I will never lose touch with them but these friendships are what bring me most joy in life, which is funny to say because nowadays we don't always hang out, we have completely separate lives sometimes but when we come back together boy is it good. I cant describe how much comfort I feel in these friendships and how much they have shown so much love, grace...the laughter we have shared together over the years is enough to last a lifetime and I am thankful for every second spent with these people.
They taught me a good bit of what I know today, I know...that sounds silly because I'm in college so I got here knowing something, but its more than just knowledge of the world, and stupid school subjects we spend years going through. They have taught me the simple things in life, how to love with my whole heart, how to give my whole heart, how to have fun and be faithful to God, how to laugh and mean every second of it, and how to trust that things will be ok but we should live in the moment. Now that one I am still learning but the moments I have been able to be still and soak it all in, have been beautiful moments. Some of my favorite have been with my friend Chelsea Hearne, we have conquered the world of sunsets, mountains, and thunderstorms, my favorite things in the whole world, no joke. I guess something that makes me sad about all this, is that these people are moving on into the real world, making those moments more just memories, than weekly activities.
And then there is Helen...my bestest friend here at the Webb and unfortunately has to transfer next year. Shessh that is even hard to type out. Its funny how new friendships develop, sometimes without you even realizing how it all began but one day I told myself that I wanted to get to know this girl and invest in her life. I know God had to have been working in that one because it has been a beautiful thing and I have been enjoying every minute of it since it all started. Helen is by far the funniest person I know, I wish everyone could experience just a few minutes of her humor because it just brightens your day. Thankfully this kid actually wants to spend time with me so I get to laugh many many times a day and it makes up for so much dumb stuff in the world. Although we just became really close a few weeks ago, the thought of her leaving is just as hard as the thought of the seniors graduating. She has been a blessing this semester and sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough time even though this friendship is going to last forever, and I can say that without question.
Ahhh I could go on forever about how much I love these people and how I don't want them to leave me because my life with them in it (in the sense of down the hallway or across campus) is a thousand times better than life without them. I'm trying to stay positive in knowing that Gods plan for me will help me move through all the sadness I feel when I think about it, but until it happens, again I'm still not sure of how I feel about it. But for now Ill pick my chin up as Helen would say and keep cherishing the moments I have with these people.
Nuff said! Peace
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Real Life- News Flash!
Yesterday was another day I was reminded of how judgmental the world really is... It is constantly surrounding all of us whether its within ourself, our families, friends, etc.. you name it and it is there. It bothers me most for the fact, that through all the judgement, ALL of the beauty that lies within that person/place/thing completely disappears. As if the world doesnt already have trouble seeing beauty in life most days.
Those people that we judge hardest may be the ones who need the most love, did we ever stop to think about that before a mean thought crosses our mind? This is something that bothers me so so much. Obviously there are times where I am just as guilty of it as the next person, which is just as wrong.
Why is there so much judgment in the world? Are people scared? Does that person who is nothing like you really affecting your life in any way that you need to hate them or hate on them?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Real Life-Life Update!
Ive been wanting to blog for a while now...I get all these ideas of things to blog about late late at night but definitely dont want to crawl out of my cozy bed to type them up, so while I had some time to myself on this beautiful Wednesday evening I figured I would share some thoughts.
Which leads me to a family update, it was my grandmas birthday on Valentines day!! Yayyyy grandma, I would say her age but 1) not important and 2) she would hightail it up to NC to beat me for putting it on here. Cute story: When I called her on her birthday she asked me if I knew why she was such a great grandma and when I asked why, she replied because I have the greatest grandchildren in the whole world. Needless to say my grandma is way cute.
As for friends, God has been blessing me over and over again for the new friendships and even old friendships that I continue to grow in everyday. I've definitely talked about this before but this year is kind of a big year when it comes to friends because I have many, many of them who are graduating and I constantly find myself asking "what am I going to do!" Most days I am totally being dramatic but some days I am SO serious, because most of these people I get to run to so that they can give me some good advice maybe even shove me down the right path versus the silly one I would like to choose. And I wont have that next year, I have to put my big girl pants on and just do it. AHHHH! Ok, done ranting but on the positive side of it all, I have been learning to step up in many of the relationships I have and be more of a leader instead of a child, (well if I'm being honest I'm balancing out the two)...I am learning to seek God in new ways and it has been beautiful.
Really, I am just living it up some more here at GWU, still have much more to learn, much more growing to do, and so much more fun to have.
**OH AND MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! WHOOO!
Starting with school, boy have I been sooo extremely busy, lately I feel like I havent had a break but at the same time its been cool to see myself maturing in time management and taking time to take care of myself. Many of you may not know this, but I tend to go, go, go and do, do, do and I cant say no, no, no. Seriously though, always been a problem of mine, but I dont complain because I love hanging out with people so I tend to look at it as an awesome thing until I hit my breaking point...no good. So yea, I have 19 hours this semester, been for the most part staying on top of things...make my momma proud :)
Which leads me to a family update, it was my grandmas birthday on Valentines day!! Yayyyy grandma, I would say her age but 1) not important and 2) she would hightail it up to NC to beat me for putting it on here. Cute story: When I called her on her birthday she asked me if I knew why she was such a great grandma and when I asked why, she replied because I have the greatest grandchildren in the whole world. Needless to say my grandma is way cute.
As for friends, God has been blessing me over and over again for the new friendships and even old friendships that I continue to grow in everyday. I've definitely talked about this before but this year is kind of a big year when it comes to friends because I have many, many of them who are graduating and I constantly find myself asking "what am I going to do!" Most days I am totally being dramatic but some days I am SO serious, because most of these people I get to run to so that they can give me some good advice maybe even shove me down the right path versus the silly one I would like to choose. And I wont have that next year, I have to put my big girl pants on and just do it. AHHHH! Ok, done ranting but on the positive side of it all, I have been learning to step up in many of the relationships I have and be more of a leader instead of a child, (well if I'm being honest I'm balancing out the two)...I am learning to seek God in new ways and it has been beautiful.
Really, I am just living it up some more here at GWU, still have much more to learn, much more growing to do, and so much more fun to have.
**OH AND MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! WHOOO!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Real Life-Finding a Purpose
Im back! Its been a crazy long time since I've blogged and I sure have missed it! There have been many a nights where I go to bed and then I just start thinking about so many things and want to get up a blog but it doesnt happen. Tonight I decided to make it happen because I have had a lot on my mind these days... So here goes...
The reason I titled this finding a purpose is because I am currently trying to find my path again and have been struggling greatly. School has started back which has been great because I love the community of people it comes with BUT...yea there is a "but" school itself is not a passion of mine. Of course if we are honest with ourselves, who really likes school? Very few people, too bad I am not one of those people. I hate school! I've had plenty of discussions with people about not liking school and not really seeing its purpose for me, yes, I know I get a degree but thats when I say, is that it?? Because society says so, we must attend school, walk across a stage 4 years later, receive a slip of paper, be a lucky one who gets a job, and fulfills our duties as adults. Ok, maybe its a bit dramatic but think about it....
With that I am not trying to really find my purpose in school because I know I have a purpose on this campus and to be honest how much I like school or not is irrelevant many, many years later and tons of money being spent...I'll make it count, no worries. SO...on a grander scale, I am looking more for my purpose in Gods kingdom...I've spent days wishing I was not at school anymore, feeling very unhappy, and just kind of 'stuck' in a weird cycle. What does God have planned for me in all this? What is He trying to teach me?
Fun fact: I really really hate when I dont know things, do you see my predicament? Haha but seriously... I guess I am trying to see where God is trying to place me in order to serve as intended. Since I have been back at school, there have been changes in different places and some that just break my heart to be quite frank and trying to grow from these changes has been a challenge BUT I am trying so a little bit of credit is needed.
Anyways this is just my thoughts tumbling out of my head...I dont know what else to do with them. Goodnight!
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