Lately I have had this feeling of a fire being lit under me... a lot of times I get it at night where I am stuck to just lay in the bed and think about it. My wheels turn, and there I lay. Sometimes I'll turn the tv on to make it stop, sometimes I get up and write about it, or sometimes I just lay and think until I am too tired to think anymore.
In the past year I have experienced so many things, seeing God work in different parts of my life, and creating many more memories which I cant wait to reminisce about years from now. There have been so many good things, and there have been bumps and lessons learned to say the least. My eyes have been opened to things I have been blinded to for so long whether it pertains to the world, my family, myself, school, literally everything.
Since the summer I feel as if I have been on a journey to find another piece of me, cheesy right? I think just approaching senior year and being forced to think about life after that will do it to you. I finally have to decide what I want my adult world to look like. Some conclusions I have come to: I don't want to be boring, I don't want to get stuck, I don't want to lose my faith, I want to be happy, I want my work and ministry to unite, I want to be in a position to impact people, I want to turn around and help my family, and I don't want to ever lose anyone I love dearly. How does that sound for conclusions? I know it may sound like a pretty general list, but trust me I have narrowed it down!
But when I say I have had a fire lit under me, I am talking more about the whole position to impact people. I have discovered that this is my passion, helping people. I have always said that I like things, and I do love don't get me wrong, but I see other people who are just full on passionate about ministry, or full on passionate about the sport they play, and I have never been that way until recently. One situation that has been most recent has been my fight to help my friend stay at school despite money. I have talked about it in previous blogs but last week it came to a point where it is looking like we are about out of options. Boy, did that fire me up. At first I was sad, and lost hope myself but now I cant stop thinking about how to get more options. I don't want to stop fighting for this until everything is fully worked out -- sometimes I feel like maybe I am not focusing on being thankful for what I or we have been given but then other times I just know deep down there is more that can be done, is that bad?
Thoughts that have come out of this have been that I wont stop fighting for my friend but also how can I fight for others as well. I understand that if we are passionate about something or really want something we should do everything we can to get that right? And I have thought about how crazy I may seem fighting more for something that maybe someone else would but why not? Even if someone else doesnt stand up and say it for themselves, why cant someone stand up for them? I see it just like someone else would see standing up for children in Africa, giving them a voice and a way to see hope, as far fetched as that may seem. And if I have this passion then I should do something with it. Haha do you like my silly and simple revelations?
Anyways just in a crazy thinking mood and just been fired up lately. I know it'll be an interesting journey to figure out how I specifically wish to carry on with this passion of mine, right now it has been through helping my friend but I just dont want to stop there.
Love you all.
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