In a few weeks major changes, once again, are about to cross my path and I'm not sure if I am ready for it...like for real. I've had meltdowns, I get sick to my stomach, I get excited about it, lately I have just been trying to figure out how I feel about all of it. If I could fully believe myself when I say everything will be ok, well then...everything would be ok but its hard to believe while it has yet to come.
These things may not sound like anything to stress about but the changes that bother me the most have to do with friendships. A few of my best friends will be graduating in may, and then to top that off my bestest friend will technically finish up her time at gwu as well because she has to transfer (seems to be a theme these days here at the webb). Its not the idea of "losing" these friends that makes it so hard because I know I will never lose touch with them but these friendships are what bring me most joy in life, which is funny to say because nowadays we don't always hang out, we have completely separate lives sometimes but when we come back together boy is it good. I cant describe how much comfort I feel in these friendships and how much they have shown so much love, grace...the laughter we have shared together over the years is enough to last a lifetime and I am thankful for every second spent with these people.
They taught me a good bit of what I know today, I know...that sounds silly because I'm in college so I got here knowing something, but its more than just knowledge of the world, and stupid school subjects we spend years going through. They have taught me the simple things in life, how to love with my whole heart, how to give my whole heart, how to have fun and be faithful to God, how to laugh and mean every second of it, and how to trust that things will be ok but we should live in the moment. Now that one I am still learning but the moments I have been able to be still and soak it all in, have been beautiful moments. Some of my favorite have been with my friend Chelsea Hearne, we have conquered the world of sunsets, mountains, and thunderstorms, my favorite things in the whole world, no joke. I guess something that makes me sad about all this, is that these people are moving on into the real world, making those moments more just memories, than weekly activities.
And then there is Helen...my bestest friend here at the Webb and unfortunately has to transfer next year. Shessh that is even hard to type out. Its funny how new friendships develop, sometimes without you even realizing how it all began but one day I told myself that I wanted to get to know this girl and invest in her life. I know God had to have been working in that one because it has been a beautiful thing and I have been enjoying every minute of it since it all started. Helen is by far the funniest person I know, I wish everyone could experience just a few minutes of her humor because it just brightens your day. Thankfully this kid actually wants to spend time with me so I get to laugh many many times a day and it makes up for so much dumb stuff in the world. Although we just became really close a few weeks ago, the thought of her leaving is just as hard as the thought of the seniors graduating. She has been a blessing this semester and sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough time even though this friendship is going to last forever, and I can say that without question.
Ahhh I could go on forever about how much I love these people and how I don't want them to leave me because my life with them in it (in the sense of down the hallway or across campus) is a thousand times better than life without them. I'm trying to stay positive in knowing that Gods plan for me will help me move through all the sadness I feel when I think about it, but until it happens, again I'm still not sure of how I feel about it. But for now Ill pick my chin up as Helen would say and keep cherishing the moments I have with these people.
Nuff said! Peace
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