Real Life-This is it

So... we all know how I feel about friendships, how I feel about long periods of time apart from people I love most, how I feel about goodbyes, etc... Last night I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was saying goodbye to my friend Amy Brown. I definitely have blogged about her before but home girl deserves another shout out. I cant stand here and thank God for placing special people in my life and not think of her. This blog post really cant even do justice on how thankful I am for her but I'll do my best.


I have noticed that for really really good friendships things just fall into place and half the time you cant even remember how they began. Not saying that Amy and I don't have a really good friendship but it has taken a good bit of time. I know that the first time I even took notice to Amy was at a Young Life meeting we had and I heard her laugh and immediately couldn't help but to laugh myself and think she was really awesome, loud and proud would be the best way to describe her. From there I knew that I just really wanted to be her friend, haha always the little kid trying to get in with the big kids, but really...


I didnt really get much of a chance to be close to her until I decided to actually attend Gardner Webb and live on campus, from there I was able to attend her bible study. God had big plans for me in that one because it was life changing the first week I went, and the first person I was able to be open with and reveal who I really was just happened to be Amy Brown. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do but she was there for me and it was awesome.


Of course it wasnt always peaches and cream (which is kind of gross but sounded like a good analogy)... you see Amy Brown is this really popular person where everyone and there mom always demands her time.... well and you see I am this person that if I want to be around you I will be so demanding myself and when things dont work out I get frustrated. So I went through this stage where I would get so frustrated with amy because well...sometimes hanging out didnt always work out. Oh well... thankfully she was too hard to let go of over my stupid personal problems and fate brought us back together, or just me growing up :p

I have cherished this past year the most for the time I have been able to hang out with Amy. There were plenty of moments that we created that I will never ever forget. One of the most special times I have ever had with Amy has been when she has brought in the new year with me by celebrating my birthday as soon as it hit midnight. It sounds really silly, but to me it was one night that I was able to see how intentional she was in loving me, something that in the beginning I think I overlooked at times. Truth is, she is one of the most intentional people I know and loves people so much, of course its hard to give everyone the same amount of love but I know that if she could she would do so. Too bad, there is only one of her. :P I am thankful that I got so much of her love and time over the past couple of years.

She is an amazing person and an amazing friend. I will miss her more than anything!

RBI for life, right amy brown?

Real Life-Living in the moment

Yesterday was bittersweet because I had to leave Helens house after an amazing 3 or 2ish days whatever... I wish words could really describe how great it was but I could ramble on forever and it wouldnt make much difference. Just add it to my list of perfect days, who said 'nothing is perfect' I beg to differ.

I am still sitting here, thinking about the past few days and soaking it all in...it was surely a breath of fresh air of all the fears I had been having about this summer.We were able to just live in the moment, whether that moment was a car ride filled with me butchering a Whitney Houston song, playing with her little brother Phillip, listening and watching the rain, thunder and lightening, and/or digging into our every thoughts haha, but really...

One thing I realized last night was that obviously having a relationship with the Lord brings soo many blessings, but in particular that I thought of was that as Christians we are called to put others before ourselves, to be disciples and to serve constantly, which ultimately forces us to constantly look at the big picture of things taking notice to small things whether it be through the things we say or how we act, we ultimately see what God has in store for us and His plans.

Its nice to be in the light of that but it made me sad to think of all the people who go through their every day, over and over again, and for a lot of people it means nothing but simply making it through another day. How sad is that? SO much can happen in one day, we need to take advantage of this people! I dont mean this in any bad way but one person who I thought of most when it came to this was my dad...so many times I hear him talk and I just constantly think to myself, "man, if he could just see the big picture and live in this very moment, he would be soo happy."

He definitely isnt wrong for not doing so because lets face it, it is soo easy to get caught up in the world and 'things' and find more negatives than positives. (guilty as charged on that one) He is currently working third shift because he wasnt able to find a job anywhere else after his plant closed down because of the economy, he worked at his last job for like 25 years...whoaa big transitions. I know that if I were in his shoes I would struggle to see the light as well but we got to find it somewhere. I want him to be happy more than anyone because he deserves it, I want him to live in the moment again and find joy even in the job that he hates. Is that too much to ask for? I dunno...just throwing out thoughts. I love my dad and look up to him for the things he does and the sacrifices he makes so I'm not complaining by no means but its hard to see him down so much.

So before I continue to ramble on I will just end in some questions:
What makes you happy?
Where have you seen God lately?
What are the blessings in your life?

Real Life-Is this my life?

Do you ever feel like in some moments everything just seems so perfect? Do you ever just want to capture that perfect moment and make it last forever? Or... Do you ever stop to ask yourself, "for real, is this my life"? I feel like I do that ALL the time... I mean just as for most of us we just go through our busy lives and then that one awesome sunset catches our eye and we suddenly are woke up from whatever we were stuck in and we finally see the beauty that life holds right before our eyes.


I am on such a high right now because of several things, I just signed myself up to going on a trip to Africa next summer (hello!! AFRICA WHAAA??), there is a thunderstorm outside, and I'm with my best friend in the whole wide world. ALL of these moments where I stop and go "for real, is this my life"? Can you feel the energy from me? I am so pumped. Just loving my life right now. Loving it so much I couldnt even wait to blog about it.


This morning before I got to see Helen I was sooo excited I barely even slept last night, legit like 4 hours tops. And even this morning I had extra time that I journaled about how excited I was. Just been constantly feeling blessed in a lot of areas of my life and especially in my friendship with Helen. Its not only a close sister friendship or just a friendship where we every once in a while talk about what God has done in our life. Nope...every day is a new day and every day we are pushing ourselves towards something, or at least I feel that way. I've been blessed to have several people in my life that have pushed me in directions like this but some take the reign and God puts them there for a reason and boy is it life changing. And let me tell you...MY LIFE IS CHANGING! Haha but really, it has been taking all kinds of twists and turns and its been a beautiful thing to stand back and just take in every once in a while.


Tonight being one of those nights. So get on my level people! :) Love you all!

Real Life-Assumptions

Summer has officially began... really wish that was more exciting to say but oh well... It really has been good so far but it is always hard to live with a bunch of people for so so long and have a routine of things and then totally switch things up for a few months and barely talk to those people. My parents think I just dont like being home but its far from true, I mainly just like to be doing different things and dont like feeling stuck in one spot which small towns tend to feel like. Granted I go to college in an even smaller town, college just presents more of a sense of freedom even if it just means going to cookout at the most ridiculous time of night. I think Amy Brown and I hit our record time this year by going around 1 or so and with having the most work to do in one night, well...she did at least. :)

Anywho here some thoughts I've had lately, because it seems like in the past month or so I have seen just a lot of the devil working in things. In North Carolina in particular there was just a voting to pass the first amendment law or whatever...to be honest it was quite confusing but basically if you voted for amendment one you were in support of 'not' allowing two people of the same sex to get married and if you voted against it you were in support of allowing such an act to take place. Ready for thoughts?

Truthfully I personally do not agree with a relationship of the same sex but that is as far as I will go with that... in my own opinion I do not agree with it and that is just something that just isnt in my life. So with that though, I do not hate people who agree with this or the people that are gay or whatever the correct term is. I do think we are called to love each other no matter what part of life we are in or how we choose to live our lives. The biggest reason I would not support amendment one is because in a way it was giving me right to have a say on something that for most people is the biggest decision of their life, marraige is big. Its sad that the world feels entitled to have a say on things like that because they are disgusted by it or whatever silly reasons they may have. It in all honesty is none of anyone elses business. Things like this just bring so much more evil about than there already was.

More thoughts...also in regards to judgment, I know I made a post kind of ranting about my thoughts about the way people judge others so heres a little more flames to the fire. It really makes me sad when people just assume things about others, whether it be from the way that they look, way they live their life, actions, etc... the list could go on. I get it, I know that it is soo simple to go off of these things especially when we see it practically smacking us in the face but unless we know the truth it still is unfair judgement. And no matter what we say when things like that happen it will always alter the way we view people and if that doesnt happen, it may alter the way that person views you if they know you are judging them. Again just brings out more evil in the world...

yes, it is hard to love all of the world where its at but in the end its worth the sacrifice

Real Life-Today is the day

Well...its here...the day I've been dreading most for the the last two years but more in the last year...the day marking the end of my junior year. Sounds silly right? I dread this day more than the last day of my senior year thats to come, and I can say that pretty confidently. The memories I have built with the seniors this year have been life changing and really just the memories I have built with everything this year has been life changing. I have seen love on so many different levels, from up close from far away, its been beautiful to witness.


I am super sensitive as well all know so the past two weeks have been tormenting me, I go to lay down at night and just cry...at first it was mainly because I was sad, then at some point I think I got angry, and now its tears of joy, honestly. I find myself in certain situations or moments where if God allowed us a pause button, even for a minute more I would press it. I do worry a lot, and I hate it a lot but lately it has been a little of that and a lot of living in the moment and just soaking it in. We all hear the phrase that pictures are worth a thousand words but I think a snapshot of my life would be worth way more than that. I have constantly stopped myself and literally thought, "Is this real life?" And almost didnt believe it because boy it has been so good. I do my best to capture the friendships I have within my blog or display some of my life or thoughts but its hard to do when you have amazing people and things in your life. God is so good and powerful and that itself has hit me hard this semester.


When things were sticky with the situation with Helen who wasnt going to be able to come back here to Gardner Webb... I joked around saying I never fully understood what "prayer without ceasing" really meant...I say that I joked but real life, I really have come to grasp this and I for a long time didnt think it was possible. Whether it was praying for the Helen to stay at Gardner Webb or my next Hebrew test, I constantly found myself in constant prayer this semester. I pray for these amazing people that surround me everyday, I pray for my family every day, I pray for people I dont even know, I pray that God would keep showing up like He did this semester because I can actually see it and feel His presence. 


One of the biggest things that has helped me in all this is in the relationship with one of my friends, surprise! But really...I have had good friends, great friends, and when I felt like those people need to go up even more of a level, Ive had best friends but this one tops it all. It is a friendship that brings out the most important things to me, the most important is my relationship with the Lord. I have always found myself taking one step forward and then two steps back because I got scared or something didnt go my way but everyday I am looking to step forward and I'm challenged in it, whether its through simple things or really really tough things.


Blah blah blah I could go on forever cause frankly I am kind of freaking out. Goodbyes are not my favorite, of course of course "see you next year" is always an option but in this moment it still is goodbye because something will go away and something new will come back. Not saying there is going to be a drastic change and things will end but we are constantly moving through the seasons and changing as we keep on growing.


So...goodbye, for now? :)