Well...its here...the day I've been dreading most for the the last two years but more in the last year...the day marking the end of my junior year. Sounds silly right? I dread this day more than the last day of my senior year thats to come, and I can say that pretty confidently. The memories I have built with the seniors this year have been life changing and really just the memories I have built with everything this year has been life changing. I have seen love on so many different levels, from up close from far away, its been beautiful to witness.
I am super sensitive as well all know so the past two weeks have been tormenting me, I go to lay down at night and just cry...at first it was mainly because I was sad, then at some point I think I got angry, and now its tears of joy, honestly. I find myself in certain situations or moments where if God allowed us a pause button, even for a minute more I would press it. I do worry a lot, and I hate it a lot but lately it has been a little of that and a lot of living in the moment and just soaking it in. We all hear the phrase that pictures are worth a thousand words but I think a snapshot of my life would be worth way more than that. I have constantly stopped myself and literally thought, "Is this real life?" And almost didnt believe it because boy it has been so good. I do my best to capture the friendships I have within my blog or display some of my life or thoughts but its hard to do when you have amazing people and things in your life. God is so good and powerful and that itself has hit me hard this semester.
When things were sticky with the situation with Helen who wasnt going to be able to come back here to Gardner Webb... I joked around saying I never fully understood what "prayer without ceasing" really meant...I say that I joked but real life, I really have come to grasp this and I for a long time didnt think it was possible. Whether it was praying for the Helen to stay at Gardner Webb or my next Hebrew test, I constantly found myself in constant prayer this semester. I pray for these amazing people that surround me everyday, I pray for my family every day, I pray for people I dont even know, I pray that God would keep showing up like He did this semester because I can actually see it and feel His presence.
One of the biggest things that has helped me in all this is in the relationship with one of my friends, surprise! But really...I have had good friends, great friends, and when I felt like those people need to go up even more of a level, Ive had best friends but this one tops it all. It is a friendship that brings out the most important things to me, the most important is my relationship with the Lord. I have always found myself taking one step forward and then two steps back because I got scared or something didnt go my way but everyday I am looking to step forward and I'm challenged in it, whether its through simple things or really really tough things.
Blah blah blah I could go on forever cause frankly I am kind of freaking out. Goodbyes are not my favorite, of course of course "see you next year" is always an option but in this moment it still is goodbye because something will go away and something new will come back. Not saying there is going to be a drastic change and things will end but we are constantly moving through the seasons and changing as we keep on growing.
So...goodbye, for now? :)
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Real Life-Caroline Netherland
Ok...so her last name really isn't Netherland, I just wanted to put something cool on her contact name in my phone.
Any who, there have been several posts I've made of friends that are the most important people in my life and I could not leave this girl out of that list. Hmm...where to start
Oh I got it, first off I love reading her blog which here if you want to follow it carolines blog , she might kill me for this but her thoughts are important too!
BUT besides her blog, real life she is probably one of the most unique people I have ever come across and I say that in a very positive way. When we hang out it is always an adventure that ends in real life talk... probably my two favorite activities in the world. I love to have a good time and play around with people but I love learning, learning about other peoples lives and seeing how God is using them, its a beautiful thing.
Caroline is just another Godly woman who speaks into my life and its awesome. Her love for the Lord shines through in whatever she is doing and it a cool thing to watch and experience. Like myself, she is a thinker and so it is always fun to throw ideas back and forth from each other and laugh at how ridiculous we are and sometimes how ridiculous some of the situations we get in are. Ah and the way that she loves people, me especially, she is so intentional in all the relationships she comes across and is always so encouraging. I will sometimes not know what to say or do when she will speaks up and starts telling me something she loves about me, but I am thankful that she does because it pushes me to keep doing what I'm doing.
One funny thing is that she will always comment on how awkward she is...and don't get me wrong she is definitely awkward BUT what is something that sticks out most about her is no matter how uncomfortable she may feel, she is still going to approach that random person sitting in the corner and talk to them and make them feel apart of something even if its for like one minute haha...and I could go on and on about Caroline because that is how great she is, even if she doesn't admit it, I will for her.
Hmm...I think a good way to describe her would be, if you have ever seen Ramona and Beezus, she is like Ramona...such a child a heart but only wants to be apart of everything and everyone and love them in whatever form even if it means dancing in the rain with someone.
Love you Caroline! So thankful to have you in my life...
Any who, there have been several posts I've made of friends that are the most important people in my life and I could not leave this girl out of that list. Hmm...where to start
Oh I got it, first off I love reading her blog which here if you want to follow it carolines blog , she might kill me for this but her thoughts are important too!
BUT besides her blog, real life she is probably one of the most unique people I have ever come across and I say that in a very positive way. When we hang out it is always an adventure that ends in real life talk... probably my two favorite activities in the world. I love to have a good time and play around with people but I love learning, learning about other peoples lives and seeing how God is using them, its a beautiful thing.
Caroline is just another Godly woman who speaks into my life and its awesome. Her love for the Lord shines through in whatever she is doing and it a cool thing to watch and experience. Like myself, she is a thinker and so it is always fun to throw ideas back and forth from each other and laugh at how ridiculous we are and sometimes how ridiculous some of the situations we get in are. Ah and the way that she loves people, me especially, she is so intentional in all the relationships she comes across and is always so encouraging. I will sometimes not know what to say or do when she will speaks up and starts telling me something she loves about me, but I am thankful that she does because it pushes me to keep doing what I'm doing.
One funny thing is that she will always comment on how awkward she is...and don't get me wrong she is definitely awkward BUT what is something that sticks out most about her is no matter how uncomfortable she may feel, she is still going to approach that random person sitting in the corner and talk to them and make them feel apart of something even if its for like one minute haha...and I could go on and on about Caroline because that is how great she is, even if she doesn't admit it, I will for her.
Hmm...I think a good way to describe her would be, if you have ever seen Ramona and Beezus, she is like Ramona...such a child a heart but only wants to be apart of everything and everyone and love them in whatever form even if it means dancing in the rain with someone.
Love you Caroline! So thankful to have you in my life...
Monday, April 23, 2012
Real Life- The 3 Amigas
My favorite combo of people are myself, and my two friends Lydia and Helen. Most people might get annoyed by us or just think we are plain stupid but WE actually think we know how to have a pretty good time. But really.... I'll admit I am the most sensitive of the three of us but luckily neither one of them know how to express emotions, meaning they don't cry, so we are a pretty well balanced group haha. We can literally roll in the floor laughing at nothing, its like "oh the wall is white, hahahahaha." that is how ridiculous our friendship is.
I am extremely thankful for the amount of laughter these two especially bring into my life, even if you have such a crappy day that you don't even feel like there is a way for you to be happy, you cant help but to laugh at something one of them does or says. Most times having a 3 person group doesn't work out as well because there is always the odd one out, or the "third wheel" as we referred to it one time, but truth is 3 works perfectly. We constantly bring each other up, or if one has a bad day, there are two awesome people there to cheer you up...double the joy ya know :p
Some of my favorite things about Lydia is that we both share crazy laughs, our friend Chelsea says one of us sounds like a hyenna off of the Lion King and the other sounds like Elmo. Absurd combination but its true. I love how real Lydia is, and how she loves everyone no matter what. Even though she is emotionless, she still is there for you whenever you need someone to listen to you and that is an awesome thing to have. She can be silly and roll around in the floor laughing and then on the opposite end be super chill and snuggle up and watch One Tree Hill with me.
Then there is Helen, I mentioned her in my earlier post but thats ok :)...some of my favorite things about her is that she too just loves people no matter who they are and I think that takes a special person especially in a world full of judgement. I love her hugs and that she is such a good snuggle buddy. I love that she will drop what she is doing to help a friend out and is willing to do whatever to make your day better.
Needless to say, I love these two people!
I am extremely thankful for the amount of laughter these two especially bring into my life, even if you have such a crappy day that you don't even feel like there is a way for you to be happy, you cant help but to laugh at something one of them does or says. Most times having a 3 person group doesn't work out as well because there is always the odd one out, or the "third wheel" as we referred to it one time, but truth is 3 works perfectly. We constantly bring each other up, or if one has a bad day, there are two awesome people there to cheer you up...double the joy ya know :p
Some of my favorite things about Lydia is that we both share crazy laughs, our friend Chelsea says one of us sounds like a hyenna off of the Lion King and the other sounds like Elmo. Absurd combination but its true. I love how real Lydia is, and how she loves everyone no matter what. Even though she is emotionless, she still is there for you whenever you need someone to listen to you and that is an awesome thing to have. She can be silly and roll around in the floor laughing and then on the opposite end be super chill and snuggle up and watch One Tree Hill with me.
Then there is Helen, I mentioned her in my earlier post but thats ok :)...some of my favorite things about her is that she too just loves people no matter who they are and I think that takes a special person especially in a world full of judgement. I love her hugs and that she is such a good snuggle buddy. I love that she will drop what she is doing to help a friend out and is willing to do whatever to make your day better.
Needless to say, I love these two people!
Lydia & Helen
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Real Life- New Seasons
In a few weeks major changes, once again, are about to cross my path and I'm not sure if I am ready for it...like for real. I've had meltdowns, I get sick to my stomach, I get excited about it, lately I have just been trying to figure out how I feel about all of it. If I could fully believe myself when I say everything will be ok, well then...everything would be ok but its hard to believe while it has yet to come.
These things may not sound like anything to stress about but the changes that bother me the most have to do with friendships. A few of my best friends will be graduating in may, and then to top that off my bestest friend will technically finish up her time at gwu as well because she has to transfer (seems to be a theme these days here at the webb). Its not the idea of "losing" these friends that makes it so hard because I know I will never lose touch with them but these friendships are what bring me most joy in life, which is funny to say because nowadays we don't always hang out, we have completely separate lives sometimes but when we come back together boy is it good. I cant describe how much comfort I feel in these friendships and how much they have shown so much love, grace...the laughter we have shared together over the years is enough to last a lifetime and I am thankful for every second spent with these people.
They taught me a good bit of what I know today, I know...that sounds silly because I'm in college so I got here knowing something, but its more than just knowledge of the world, and stupid school subjects we spend years going through. They have taught me the simple things in life, how to love with my whole heart, how to give my whole heart, how to have fun and be faithful to God, how to laugh and mean every second of it, and how to trust that things will be ok but we should live in the moment. Now that one I am still learning but the moments I have been able to be still and soak it all in, have been beautiful moments. Some of my favorite have been with my friend Chelsea Hearne, we have conquered the world of sunsets, mountains, and thunderstorms, my favorite things in the whole world, no joke. I guess something that makes me sad about all this, is that these people are moving on into the real world, making those moments more just memories, than weekly activities.
And then there is Helen...my bestest friend here at the Webb and unfortunately has to transfer next year. Shessh that is even hard to type out. Its funny how new friendships develop, sometimes without you even realizing how it all began but one day I told myself that I wanted to get to know this girl and invest in her life. I know God had to have been working in that one because it has been a beautiful thing and I have been enjoying every minute of it since it all started. Helen is by far the funniest person I know, I wish everyone could experience just a few minutes of her humor because it just brightens your day. Thankfully this kid actually wants to spend time with me so I get to laugh many many times a day and it makes up for so much dumb stuff in the world. Although we just became really close a few weeks ago, the thought of her leaving is just as hard as the thought of the seniors graduating. She has been a blessing this semester and sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough time even though this friendship is going to last forever, and I can say that without question.
Ahhh I could go on forever about how much I love these people and how I don't want them to leave me because my life with them in it (in the sense of down the hallway or across campus) is a thousand times better than life without them. I'm trying to stay positive in knowing that Gods plan for me will help me move through all the sadness I feel when I think about it, but until it happens, again I'm still not sure of how I feel about it. But for now Ill pick my chin up as Helen would say and keep cherishing the moments I have with these people.
Nuff said! Peace
These things may not sound like anything to stress about but the changes that bother me the most have to do with friendships. A few of my best friends will be graduating in may, and then to top that off my bestest friend will technically finish up her time at gwu as well because she has to transfer (seems to be a theme these days here at the webb). Its not the idea of "losing" these friends that makes it so hard because I know I will never lose touch with them but these friendships are what bring me most joy in life, which is funny to say because nowadays we don't always hang out, we have completely separate lives sometimes but when we come back together boy is it good. I cant describe how much comfort I feel in these friendships and how much they have shown so much love, grace...the laughter we have shared together over the years is enough to last a lifetime and I am thankful for every second spent with these people.
They taught me a good bit of what I know today, I know...that sounds silly because I'm in college so I got here knowing something, but its more than just knowledge of the world, and stupid school subjects we spend years going through. They have taught me the simple things in life, how to love with my whole heart, how to give my whole heart, how to have fun and be faithful to God, how to laugh and mean every second of it, and how to trust that things will be ok but we should live in the moment. Now that one I am still learning but the moments I have been able to be still and soak it all in, have been beautiful moments. Some of my favorite have been with my friend Chelsea Hearne, we have conquered the world of sunsets, mountains, and thunderstorms, my favorite things in the whole world, no joke. I guess something that makes me sad about all this, is that these people are moving on into the real world, making those moments more just memories, than weekly activities.
And then there is Helen...my bestest friend here at the Webb and unfortunately has to transfer next year. Shessh that is even hard to type out. Its funny how new friendships develop, sometimes without you even realizing how it all began but one day I told myself that I wanted to get to know this girl and invest in her life. I know God had to have been working in that one because it has been a beautiful thing and I have been enjoying every minute of it since it all started. Helen is by far the funniest person I know, I wish everyone could experience just a few minutes of her humor because it just brightens your day. Thankfully this kid actually wants to spend time with me so I get to laugh many many times a day and it makes up for so much dumb stuff in the world. Although we just became really close a few weeks ago, the thought of her leaving is just as hard as the thought of the seniors graduating. She has been a blessing this semester and sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough time even though this friendship is going to last forever, and I can say that without question.
Ahhh I could go on forever about how much I love these people and how I don't want them to leave me because my life with them in it (in the sense of down the hallway or across campus) is a thousand times better than life without them. I'm trying to stay positive in knowing that Gods plan for me will help me move through all the sadness I feel when I think about it, but until it happens, again I'm still not sure of how I feel about it. But for now Ill pick my chin up as Helen would say and keep cherishing the moments I have with these people.
Nuff said! Peace
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Real Life- News Flash!
Yesterday was another day I was reminded of how judgmental the world really is... It is constantly surrounding all of us whether its within ourself, our families, friends, etc.. you name it and it is there. It bothers me most for the fact, that through all the judgement, ALL of the beauty that lies within that person/place/thing completely disappears. As if the world doesnt already have trouble seeing beauty in life most days.
Those people that we judge hardest may be the ones who need the most love, did we ever stop to think about that before a mean thought crosses our mind? This is something that bothers me so so much. Obviously there are times where I am just as guilty of it as the next person, which is just as wrong.
Why is there so much judgment in the world? Are people scared? Does that person who is nothing like you really affecting your life in any way that you need to hate them or hate on them?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Real Life-Life Update!
Ive been wanting to blog for a while now...I get all these ideas of things to blog about late late at night but definitely dont want to crawl out of my cozy bed to type them up, so while I had some time to myself on this beautiful Wednesday evening I figured I would share some thoughts.
Which leads me to a family update, it was my grandmas birthday on Valentines day!! Yayyyy grandma, I would say her age but 1) not important and 2) she would hightail it up to NC to beat me for putting it on here. Cute story: When I called her on her birthday she asked me if I knew why she was such a great grandma and when I asked why, she replied because I have the greatest grandchildren in the whole world. Needless to say my grandma is way cute.
As for friends, God has been blessing me over and over again for the new friendships and even old friendships that I continue to grow in everyday. I've definitely talked about this before but this year is kind of a big year when it comes to friends because I have many, many of them who are graduating and I constantly find myself asking "what am I going to do!" Most days I am totally being dramatic but some days I am SO serious, because most of these people I get to run to so that they can give me some good advice maybe even shove me down the right path versus the silly one I would like to choose. And I wont have that next year, I have to put my big girl pants on and just do it. AHHHH! Ok, done ranting but on the positive side of it all, I have been learning to step up in many of the relationships I have and be more of a leader instead of a child, (well if I'm being honest I'm balancing out the two)...I am learning to seek God in new ways and it has been beautiful.
Really, I am just living it up some more here at GWU, still have much more to learn, much more growing to do, and so much more fun to have.
**OH AND MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! WHOOO!
Starting with school, boy have I been sooo extremely busy, lately I feel like I havent had a break but at the same time its been cool to see myself maturing in time management and taking time to take care of myself. Many of you may not know this, but I tend to go, go, go and do, do, do and I cant say no, no, no. Seriously though, always been a problem of mine, but I dont complain because I love hanging out with people so I tend to look at it as an awesome thing until I hit my breaking point...no good. So yea, I have 19 hours this semester, been for the most part staying on top of things...make my momma proud :)
Which leads me to a family update, it was my grandmas birthday on Valentines day!! Yayyyy grandma, I would say her age but 1) not important and 2) she would hightail it up to NC to beat me for putting it on here. Cute story: When I called her on her birthday she asked me if I knew why she was such a great grandma and when I asked why, she replied because I have the greatest grandchildren in the whole world. Needless to say my grandma is way cute.
As for friends, God has been blessing me over and over again for the new friendships and even old friendships that I continue to grow in everyday. I've definitely talked about this before but this year is kind of a big year when it comes to friends because I have many, many of them who are graduating and I constantly find myself asking "what am I going to do!" Most days I am totally being dramatic but some days I am SO serious, because most of these people I get to run to so that they can give me some good advice maybe even shove me down the right path versus the silly one I would like to choose. And I wont have that next year, I have to put my big girl pants on and just do it. AHHHH! Ok, done ranting but on the positive side of it all, I have been learning to step up in many of the relationships I have and be more of a leader instead of a child, (well if I'm being honest I'm balancing out the two)...I am learning to seek God in new ways and it has been beautiful.
Really, I am just living it up some more here at GWU, still have much more to learn, much more growing to do, and so much more fun to have.
**OH AND MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! WHOOO!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Real Life-Finding a Purpose
Im back! Its been a crazy long time since I've blogged and I sure have missed it! There have been many a nights where I go to bed and then I just start thinking about so many things and want to get up a blog but it doesnt happen. Tonight I decided to make it happen because I have had a lot on my mind these days... So here goes...
The reason I titled this finding a purpose is because I am currently trying to find my path again and have been struggling greatly. School has started back which has been great because I love the community of people it comes with BUT...yea there is a "but" school itself is not a passion of mine. Of course if we are honest with ourselves, who really likes school? Very few people, too bad I am not one of those people. I hate school! I've had plenty of discussions with people about not liking school and not really seeing its purpose for me, yes, I know I get a degree but thats when I say, is that it?? Because society says so, we must attend school, walk across a stage 4 years later, receive a slip of paper, be a lucky one who gets a job, and fulfills our duties as adults. Ok, maybe its a bit dramatic but think about it....
With that I am not trying to really find my purpose in school because I know I have a purpose on this campus and to be honest how much I like school or not is irrelevant many, many years later and tons of money being spent...I'll make it count, no worries. SO...on a grander scale, I am looking more for my purpose in Gods kingdom...I've spent days wishing I was not at school anymore, feeling very unhappy, and just kind of 'stuck' in a weird cycle. What does God have planned for me in all this? What is He trying to teach me?
Fun fact: I really really hate when I dont know things, do you see my predicament? Haha but seriously... I guess I am trying to see where God is trying to place me in order to serve as intended. Since I have been back at school, there have been changes in different places and some that just break my heart to be quite frank and trying to grow from these changes has been a challenge BUT I am trying so a little bit of credit is needed.
Anyways this is just my thoughts tumbling out of my head...I dont know what else to do with them. Goodnight!
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